I’ve said this before and I’ll say this again. Far and away, parenthood has been the biggest life-changing event I’ve ever experienced. It’s all-encompassing, all-consuming. The arrival of our second child last September has only solidified this fact even further. And while there are definitely lots of similarities in raising baby Max so far, there are also tons of differences.

Before our baby boy showed up, I thought a lot about how we’d prepare our firstborn for the arrival of her baby brother. Realistically, this was probably the least of my concerns. She’s adapted beautifully, all things considered, doting over her younger sibling all day, every day. For us, as parents, the experience has been both familiar and filled with new challenges. It’s not easier. Just different.

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Similarities with Raising Baby Two

This goes without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway. The following lists of similarities and differences are based solely on my own personal experience. Every situation, every family, every baby is different. Your mileage may vary. Here are a few things in taking care of our second child that are similar to our experience the first time around.

  • Sleep Deprivation: Forget about “sleep when baby sleeps.” It’s a nice idea, but it’s really hard to put into practice when you’re juggling eleventeen other things. I’m incredibly lucky and privileged that my wife has taken on the brunt of this burden. It also means I very much recognize I can (and should) do more.
  • Warped Perception of Time: Some parenting cliches totally ring true. The days are long, but the years are short. Somehow, it can sometimes feel like the end of the day can’t come soon enough. And yet, it’s over in the blink of an eye. How is our second child almost five months old already?!
  • Gushing Over Every Little Detail: I work from home. So, even when I’m working, I’m “around” to see all the little things. This means I also pick up on little quirks in Max’s behavior and personality, every coo and idiosyncrasy. And I cherish them all.
  • So. Many. Photos: While I take way more pictures with my phone than with my “real” camera these days, I’m still taking so many photos because I want to capture and remember it all. Thank goodness for virtually unlimited storage.
  • Maternity Leave: The reason why my wife has been able to handle most of the baby care is because she’s been on maternity leave. I don’t know how we’d manage otherwise.

Differences with the Second Child

Of course, we’ve experienced a few differences the second time around too…

  • Divide and Conquer: When there was only one baby, we could split the responsibility to some degree. When there are two children, we play more of a man-to-man defense. My wife handles more of the baby stuff, and I’m the one who drives our daughter to and from school. Responsibilities multiply, they’re not additive, but Addie is eager to “help” take care of her brother.
  • Work-Life Balance: The other big difference is that when Addie was born, I was a full-time freelancer. These days, my “day job” (which is still remote) takes up most of my time. This means I have Zoom meetings and all the rest of it, so this means I have less flexibility in my schedule. Another obstacle to manage.
  • Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff: With the first baby, we worried about everything. So many visits to the walk-in clinic simply resulted in the doctor telling us not to worry about it. That it’s normal and it’ll pass. Even if we ignore pandemic concerns for a moment, we haven’t been stressing about visiting the doctor or falling deep down the internet rabbit hole of self-diagnosis with the second child. This also extends to a greater tolerance for soiled clothing.
  • We Know What We’re Doing: Or at least we think we know enough to do what we need to do. I remember being an anxiety-ridden mess the first time we bathed our firstborn. I had no idea what I was doing. But with experience comes skills (I think) and confidence, so we’re nowhere near as anxious with all the everyday things in caring for a fragile baby.
  • Hyper Awareness Depleted: You know how I said the sleep deprivation is still here? The superhuman hearing and heightened awareness are not. Maybe it’s because I’m older (and even more tired) too.
  • Parental Leave: As a freelancer, I had no paid benefits the first time around. As a paid employee, I had the opportunity to take paid parental leave with our second child. It was only five weeks — I wish it were for longer — but I’m so thankful for that time.

It’s True What They Say

It can be easy to dismiss what other parents have said before you. As I said, every situation, every family, every baby is different. But, you know how parents say that they’re less fastidious or scrupulous with each subsequent kid? Well, that holds true. It’s not that we love our second child any less than our first; it’s that we have a better understanding of what really matters and what we can let slide. And that’s 100 percent okay.

For all the parents out there with more than one kid, has your experience been similar with your second child? What about your third and beyond?