The first time around, some six years ago, I didn’t take any parental leave. Aside from the couple of days we spent at the hospital following Addie’s birth, I pretty much went straight back to work. Such is the life of a self-employed freelancer. When you’re a company of one, there’s no one to pick up the slack. This time around with Max was different. Because I transitioned from “freelance writer/editor” to “part-time employee” last year with a long-time client, I qualified for proper paternity leave. So, I took it.

Paid Parental Leave in Canada

I already wrote about my experience with applying for paid parental leave back in August, so I encourage you to read that if you haven’t already. Here in Canada, the government pays out parental leave via employment insurance (EI). It’s related to but a little different from what happens when you get laid off, because you already know it’s going to be temporary and for how long.

The TL;DR version is that, with standard parental leave, you get 55% of your regular pay up to a maximum of $573 a week. With Susanne maxing out her portion of that, I was left with five weeks of paid parental leave. The process wasn’t terribly difficult or complicated, thankfully. Service Canada had to clarify some of my self-employment activities. Waiting for the record of employment (ROE) from my employer also caused some delays, but it all worked out in the end.

Technically, I “lost” some income over the course of these five weeks. If I had worked normally during this time, I would have made more money. That’s true. Thankfully, we’re in a financial position where we could take that income hit — both of our incomes — without really skipping a beat. The opportunity cost was well worth it, as you might fathom. I fully recognize that not everyone is so lucky.

“Time Off” to Focus on Family

As any parent will tell you — stay-at-home or otherwise — taking care of a kid (or kids!) isn’t exactly “time off.” Maternity leave, paternity leave, parental leave… whatever you want to call it based on your circumstances, is no vacation, especially with a newborn involved. Even so, by taking these few weeks off work, I could more easily and more readily focus on taking care of and spending quality time with my family.

Equal parenting does not necessarily mean an exact 50/50 distribution of each and every responsibility. It just means doing your part. So, while Susanne was busy with breastfeeding, I was driving Addie to and from school. I was there changing diapers in the middle of the night, just I was there keeping the six-year-old entertained and engaged so Mommy could focus on Baby.

Taking a nap

For years, even when I was officially “on vacation” somewhere, I felt compelled to be productive. I’d convince myself that I could still get some work done, so I should get some work done. That’s one of the potential pitfalls of freelancing: you’re always theoretically on the clock. Because if you’re not working, you’re not earning. The self-inflicted guilt and obligation is relentless and overwhelming.

This time was different. Because I knew I was getting some money by way of my paid parental leave, I cut myself more slack. I could spend time with the newborn baby Max without worrying about getting back to work. My mind didn’t have to be in two places at once. It’s a remarkably freeing feeling, even if it involves sleep deprivation and a little too much laundry.

A couple of weeks into my parental leave, Addie asked me why I wasn’t working. To her, seeing me in front of the computer in my home office was the norm. Far too often, I’d had to dismiss her requests to play or read, because “I had work to do.” She’s understood this better as she’s gotten older, but it’s no less gut-wrenching to me when I have to say it. I told her I was taking some time off so I could take care of her and Max.

She liked this answer. She said she liked that I was spending more time with her, even if it meant I had to shift my attention to Max on a moment’s notice. Which made going back to work that much harder.

My First Week Back at Work

I’ve worked from home for years, so going “back to work” doesn’t mean commuting to an office somewhere. I’m still home. Last week was my first week back “in the office.” I wasn’t looking forward to it, even though I do enjoy the work that I do. It’s fulfilling, challenging, rewarding… but it can’t compare to having the time and space to focus on my family. And now it’s a whole new kind of juggling act.

You see, I’ve still got the responsibility of driving the first-grader to and from school each day, but now I’ve also got to race home for Zoom meetings. Similar to (but not the same as) the first time around, there’s a greater sense of urgency at work. I know I have a certain window to be productive, so I have to make the most of it. And I’m still changing diapers every few hours at night.

During one of my Zoom meetings last week, a colleague pointed out that I “looked tired, but happy, very happy.” As someone who has struggled with bouts of anxiety and depression, I think I am happier now than I have been in the past… even if I’m definitely tired too. Work life is good and I feel valued for my contributions. Family life is good and I feel like I’m contributing and engaging there too. There’s always more, of course, but this parental leave has helped to tap on the reset button in the best way possible.

This Should Be the Minimum Standard

I count myself very lucky and incredibly thankful for my parental leave. As cliche as it sounds, they’re only so little for so long. And they grow up before you know it, so you’ve got to treasure every moment. I have and I am. For my part, five weeks of leave didn’t really feel like enough. I blinked and it was over.

And, as I said, even though I’m back at work, I’m still at home. And I’ll still be here to treasure every moment I can get.