A little while back, I came across an exchange somewhere on social media — excuse the vagueness; I really can’t remember where I read it — about how parents are constantly worrying about their children. One mom was saying she was worrying if her newborn was eating enough. Another mother said she worried about whether her kid was falling behind in school. And parents of young children tend to think that it’ll get “easier” when they’re older. But then, parents of teenagers laugh and laugh and laugh.

Meanwhile, the parent of one of the parents (i.e., the grandparent) pointed out that she’s still constantly worrying about her (adult) children. They worry if their adult children are coping with everything, if they’re happy, if they’re not feeling overburdened with everything they’ve got going on. The point is that “worrying” never really goes away for many of us, whether it’s about our children or any number of other topics. And yes, I recognize that it absolutely can be worse. That doesn’t make me worry any less.

And the reality of it, as hard as it is to internalize and accept, is that we all worry about a lot of things that are probably going to turn out just fine. That’s not always the case, of course, which is what can make this situation that much more challenging. Looking at my own current life circumstances, I’m constantly worrying about all sorts of things. And I really need to take that intellectual step back and re-assess the situation from a more objective point of view. How would I feel or respond if I saw these same circumstances in someone else’s life?

The Logistics of Work-at-Home Childcare

Dealing with the childcare situation, both in terms of costs and logistics, is a huge challenge for most parents. Working parents often have to juggle or stagger their schedules to make things work. Thankfully, while I only got five weeks of parental leave when my younger son was born, my wife was able to take almost 18 months. As the end of her maternity leave drew near, I got all sorts of worried about how we’d manage.

The good news is that I work from home. However, I tend to have a fair number of morning Zoom meetings, which often conflict with school drop-off for my elder daughter. My mom lives with us, but we got the sense that she wasn’t especially confident in managing both children on her own, particularly when a car ride was involved. Well, my wife has been back to work for over a month now and…. well, we’ve managed.

There continue to be challenges, for various reasons, but we’re managing. Big picture, we’re fine and we’ll continue to be fine. No worrying needed.

Banging Our Respective Heads

At the top of today’s discussion, I mentioned how so many of us parents fall into the trap of the “it’ll get easier” line of thinking. It’ll get easier when Joey develops enough neck strength to sit up on his own. It’ll get easier when we don’t have to deal with diapers anymore. The reality is that some things get easier, while other new things get harder. The challenges get different and they come with a whole new set of potential worries.

We can get caught up on “expected” milestones like when Timmy should start talking or when Janine should start walking. On the one hand, we can’t wait until they can take care of themselves. On the other hand, we dread the day when they don’t “need” us anymore.

As we try to nurture a sense of independence and autonomy, we also have to step back and let them fall. That can be hard for all parents, when you watch your toddler bang their head or scrape their knee for the 72nd time this week. But, outside of rather serious injury and obvious hazards, we’re probably worrying over nothing… right?

Got My Mind on My Money and…

A couple of years ago, I reflected briefly on our personal finances in light of the ongoing pandemic. I didn’t realize at the time, of course, that we’d be where we are now, two years later. But, I digress.

The point is, again, that we’re probably just fine in the grand scheme of things. If you asked me a couple of years ago, I probably would’ve told you that we’re probably a bit ahead of the curve. We had a comfortable buffer to weather a storm or two. Without getting into the specifics, our financial situation has changed a little bit in the last few months and I’ve had to rethink some of our strategy as it pertains to retirement planning, as well as saving for our children’s education and so on.

No, I don’t really have to worry about putting food on the table or being unable to pay for electricity month-to-month. However, our timelines have shifted and we’ve hand to re-evaluate how we allocate our resources, as well as the lifestyle choices we’ll make along the way. Should I be worrying? Maybe not, but money and money management are absolutely things I should be actively monitoring and thinking about.

On Mountains, Molehills and Managing Life’s Challenges

One thing we have to realize is that our inclination toward worrying is an adaptive practice, on some level. When we worry about something, we bring that concern to our attention so we can suitably address it. That way, it’s less likely to go overlooked. What’s maladaptive is when we worry too much. And when we start to worry about worry, get anxious about anxiety, and get stressed about stress. When we dwell and ruminate and lose our ability to cope.

As I think about all these sources of worry, I really question how much they’re worth worrying about anyhow. The reality, as I keep reminding myself, is that I am very lucky to be where I am in life. And most of these things will turn out just fine. Worrying about them isn’t going to help anyone, is it? Or should I be worried that I’m not worrying enough?!