When you completely internalize a habit, when you completely integrate it as part of your usual routine, it becomes effortless. Or, at least it should, if the popular advice holds up. If you make it a habit to wake up early every morning, it becomes much easier to wake up early every morning. You don’t even need to think about it anymore. You might not even need to set an alarm. In working toward some idealized version of ourselves, we may have several habits like these in mind. But, at what point does it become too rigid, too inflexible? At what point do we chase too many habits?
Do we lose sight of who we’re trying to be in the first place? Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about this, since it feels like I keep coming up short. There are all these habits I’m trying to form, add or maintain, and I’m struggling to keep up with them all. This constant sense of failure and inadequacy is overwhelming, hanging like a dark cloud over anything and everything else I do. So, what can I do? What should you do?
Habits I’m Already Working On…
Some people set new year’s resolutions. Other people get more specific with S.M.A.R.T. goals . For 2021, I decided that I wanted to add and maintain some good habits in my life. As a refresher, these are:
- Read More Books
- Hit My Daily Step Goal
- Avoid Screens at Lunch
- Stop Work After Dinner
- Get 10 Minutes of Stillness
- Limit Screen Time
- Drink More Water
Remember how I said that a habit becomes easier to maintain the more it becomes part of your usual routine? The longer you keep up with something, the more effortless it becomes? This might be true, to some degree, but you also lose the initial sense of novelty and motivation from when you first get started. I know I did. These past few months have been harder for me that the first six months.
You could say that I’m cutting myself some more slack. Or you could say I’m making excuses. Or the novelty has worn off and I’m looking for something else. Regardless of the reason or rationale, trying to tackle too many habits at once is overwhelming and exhausting. And I want a break. And yet…
And Ones I’ve Been Trying to Add…
The thing about goals and roadmaps and plans is that while they give you a sense of direction and purpose, circumstances can and do change. Thus, we need to adapt, update and recalibrate our plans and goals accordingly. At least, that’s what I tell myself as the opportunity cost loop traps me again. You see, I want to do everything. And when I do anything less than everything, I feel like I’ve come up short.
In addition to the seven habits I’ve listed above, the ones I’m actively tracking for 2021, I’ve felt compelled to add at least two or three more habits to my usual routine. And I’ve failed. Hard. It’s not a good feeling to be sure. As Nathaniel Drew discusses in the video below, my desire for self-care may have morphed more into self-judgement instead.
At work, my employer has provided all of us with a “free” Headspace account. I’ve been meaning to add some form of mindful meditation to my life, paradoxically as a way to cope with having too many habits in my life. I kept up with the daily meditation for the first week or so, but it has since falling far off the wayside. Similarly, as I started visiting with my chiropractor again, he has recommended several daily exercises I should do to help with my pain and posture. I’m supposed to do them every day or two, but I’m lucky if I get to them once a week.
Diamonds Under Pressure?
Friends have told me that I’ve got a lot going on in my life. Between this blog, social media, the day job, parenting, household duties and everything else, I’ve got a lot on my plate. At the same time, I look to others who have much fuller plates and they seem to be managing much better than I am. I don’t know how y’all do it. Or, maybe everyone is struggling just as much as I am. We just don’t see it.
While the pressure to excel may have started as an external influence, the pressure to keep up with all these “positive habits” is largely internal. It’s self-inflicted, much like the self-inflicted guilt of balancing work and parenting responsibilities. No one is forcing me to keep up with so many habits but me. And so, as I collapse under the pressure of too many habits, perhaps the smarter approach is to let some of them go. And to learn to be okay with that.
I think everyone is struggling the same… and we just dont’ see it! I know I have a lot on my plate but yet it seems everyone else has so much more, I think it’s just my mind trying to guilt me!
I feel much the same way. I know comparison is the thief of joy, but I can’t help but to look around me. I see so many other working parents who seem to be taking on so much more than I am, and they seem to be getting by just fine, whereas I’m struggling to keep up with the seemingly smaller amount on my plate. I don’t know how other parents do it.