It’s just human nature. And, I’m not totally convinced it can be helped for most of us, try as we might. On an intellectual level, of course I recognize that comparison is the thief of joy. But, it’s a totally human thing to do — especially in our increasingly interconnected digital world — to peek over the proverbial fence. The grass is always greener on the other side, right?

Haves and Have Nots

When you have something, especially if you’ve had that something for a long time, you start to forget that it’s there. You start to take it for granted. I’ve been actively fighting against this, trying to exercise gratitude regularly, but it always creeps back in. It’s there, so you don’t think about it.

As a Canadian, I am entitled to universal healthcare. Our system is hardly perfect nor is it exactly comprehensive. What it means, though, is that if I have to go to the hospital for whatever reason, my only concern is getting better. The thought of how I’m going to pay for this never even crosses my mind, because it is a nonexistent concern. That’s an incredible privilege.

By contrast, for someone without health insurance living in the United States, how they’re going to afford any sort of medical treatment is something they might think about every day. It’s a pressing concern with the potential risk for crippling debt or even bankruptcy. When you don’t have something, and you want that something, you can come to obsess over it.

I Want What I Don’t Have

The grass is always greener on the other side. And even when we have several benefits and advantages in our lives, we so easily lose sight of them. We’re spending so much more time and energy focusing on what we don’t have. We fail to recognize what we may lose if we “trade” for the grass on the other side of the fence.

Let me provide you with a prime example from my own life. I work from home, so that means my commute is nonexistent. My work schedule is reasonably flexible, so I can be around for school pickups and dropoffs. And I’m generally free to attend media events, like the Vancouver Christmas Market preview a couple weeks ago. But, I don’t tend to focus on those positives.

Instead, my mind oftentimes drifts to the things I want but don’t have. I want to get out of the house and, by extension, be able to leave work at work. Some days, I want to be alone, quiet, and bored. I’m rarely ever alone, it’s never quiet, and I don’t have time to be bored.

But, would I want to give up my family? Would I want to have so little work as to have to worry about paying the bills? No, of course not. I know it could be worse. You don’t have to tell me that. And the house with the lush green lawn may have leaky plumbing or a termite infestation. You can’t see that.

The Missing Link to Greener Grass

It’s true that so much of what we do in life is out of necessity and circumstance. We have obligations to uphold. I don’t want to downplay that. What I do want to emphasize, though, is that we always have a choice. You may not like either option, necessarily, but you do have a choice.

I still compare myself to others, both within my immediate peer group and beyond. Of course I do. Anyone who tells you otherwise — unless they’re the Dalai Lama or something — is lying to you and themselves. But when I catch myself in a negative emotional state because I am in the act of comparing, I choose to take a step back and re-evaluate. Or at least I try.

Because it’s not about the greener grass on the other side. It’s about dancing on your own lawn, weeds and all. It’s patchy and uneven and imperfect. But, do you know the one thing it’s definitely not? It ain’t boring. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.