Well, the weekend got away from me. Again. And most of Monday morning too, as I finally sit down to write this around 10:30 a.m. You see, I normally strive to publish new blog posts no later than 10 o’clock and, well, that has come and gone already. And, I didn’t get around to writing or publishing a Sunday Snippet yesterday. But, did anyone even notice? Will anyone even notice if I miss another or if I publish later than usual in the day?
Probably not. It’s probably just me.
Notice Me, Senpai
They say that the pain of defeat hurts way worse than the joy of victory feels good. By much the same accord, the deflating nature of indifference strikes with a far more powerful — albeit decidedly blunter — blow than when your work is met with hate and disdain.
At least in the latter, you elicited some response. With the former, it’s almost like you never existed. Will anyone even notice if you contribute a verse?
I’ve written on the topic of legacy here a few times before. I want to feel like my work matters, like it’s actually having an impact on people’s lives in some sort of positive way. Like it counts. At the same time, I’ve also said that I will continue to write even if it feels like my words float around in a vacuum. I want to make something, even if it’s just so I can say that “I did that.”
But, will anyone even notice?
There’s Always Tomorrow
As is oftentimes the case, Saturday was family time. We opened up the Treasure X Aliens toy we got from Toys R Us, slime and all. She told me she wanted “octopus sushi” for lunch (you know you’re raising a foodie when…), so that’s what we did. When we got back, she decided that she wanted to watch her Sailor Moon DVDs. Mommy went to work and I was on solo daddy duty.
At this point, I could have allowed the TV to be a digital babysitter. I could have cracked open that new Chromebook and start working on the Sunday Snippet. But, I didn’t. Instead, I was practically falling asleep on the couch, telling myself that I could do it after putting her down for bed. We had dinner, we read stories, and we went through the bedtime routine. Good. Now, I can work.
Except I don’t want to. Besides, will anyone even notice if I skip a Sunday Snippet? “Probably not,” I told myself. That’s okay. I can take some time on Sunday to write Monday’s post… except, I didn’t do that either. I ran errands and allowed myself to daydream about spring break vacations instead. (What a place of privilege!)
And so, here we are on Monday morning, putting my thoughts into words. Thinking things through, “out loud,” as it were.
That’ll Leave a Mark
I recognize all too well that so much of this existential anguish is self-inflicted. If I had only put in the time — any time at all — on Saturday or Sunday, some of this could have been avoided. Even so, there’s still the lingering, looming cloud that hangs over me: does any of this even matter?
It’s like the old cliche: if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? If a blog post is published on the Internet and no one is around to read it, was it ever even written? Will anyone even notice if I quietly faded into the background? I’m not so sure.
Thank you for tolerating my humble episode of self-indulgence… assuming anyone read these words at all.
I’m not a strict schedule type of person by nature, so I released myself from most of our old regular scheduling deadlines. I find that these days the way blogs are read is more from search and social links rather than a regular on-time type of readership. So I don’t think it matters if you give yourself a break from your schedule.
I think that I understand that on an intellectual level, but every time I miss a (self-imposed) deadline, I feel like I let myself down.