New year’s resolutions, by and large, don’t really work. Most people end up abandoning them before flipping over to February on their calendars. That’s why I switched over guiding words to, well, guide my thinking and my actions instead. I think they worked for me in 2017 and 2018, so I set some guiding words for 2019 too.

In case you missed them back in January, they were “Freedom and Rational Thinking” (or F.a.R.T. for short). I discussed them at length in a vlog at the time. Here it is again, in case you missed it the first time around.

But now that the end of June is rapidly approaching, I’d like to take a bit of time to reflect on how these guiding words are holding up. In other words, is F.a.R.T. working for me?

Freedom: Revisiting the Third Shift

Working for myself, working from home, it can very much be a double-edged sword on the best of days. While it does allow me to enjoy more time with the kiddo (see parade picture up top), finding the time, space and energy to work is a constant struggle.

Now, if you’ve been following this blog these past few years, you’ll know that I’ve written about the third shift numerous times already. I’ve talked about its relationship with flow, and how it’s really a self-imposed sense of obligation. I don’t have to work when the kid goes to sleep, but I feel like I should (or I’ll pay for it the next day and in the days that follow).

I turned to Twitter for some perspective, and Chris McGuire provided perhaps the best advice:

That makes a lot of sense to me, and it feels so obvious in hindsight. By the time we reach the end of the night, I’m usually drained. This is not when I’ll be doing my best creative work. However, I can handle more logistical or administrative tasks. I can even schedule some social media updates if I want.

My relationship with the third shift continues to be complex, but putting it through the filter of “freedom” has guided me toward a general ground rule on nights when I’m on solo daddy duty:

  1. If there is work that “needs” to be done and she is fully asleep before about 9 o’clock, I’ll try to work on something.
  2. If the work isn’t as pressing or we go through a more challenging or later bedtime routine, then I’ll grant myself the “freedom” to take the rest of the night off. I might watch some Netflix or read a book instead.

“It’s okay,” I’ll tell myself. “You’re allowed.” This ties into a related effort to improve my sleep quality. Now that I have a fitness tracker that keeps tabs on my sleep, I’ll have some actual data to review too.

Rational Thinking: Challenging Cognitive Biases

You’d think that since I majored in psychology for my university degree that I’d have a handle on this sort of thing. Well, let me tell you, a little bit of knowledge is a very dangerous thing. And knowing something on an intellectual level is drastically different from actually living it.

The “rational thinking” part my 2019 guiding words has challenged me to see how I can better apply the principles of cognitive-behavorial therapy (CBT) into everyday life. The first step is recognizing my irrational thoughts, like “should statements” and “black-and-white thinking.” Visual Capitalist has a great list of cognitive biases that warp our perception of reality.

It’s not easy, nor is it always obvious. When I do catch myself, though, I try to snap myself out of it and view circumstances under a more rational, objective, realistic lens. For instance, more and more, I’m coming to see that work is important… but it’s not that important in the grand scheme of things.

Guiding Words Strategy for the Second Half

No knows for certain what the next six months might bring. What I can say is that by consciously and intentionally choosing to frame my experience and my decision-making process through these guiding words, I feel like I can lead a happier and more meaning-driven life. While I certainly experience some days filled with existential dread and self-doubt, I also recognize that — broadly speaking — life is good.

I just have to grant myself the freedom to enjoy the ride. It’s clearly the only rational thing to do, right?