In Alice in Wonderland, author Lewis Carroll depicts the Hatter as strange, erratic and unpredictable. (Fun fact: Carroll never calls the character the Mad Hatter. That’s on us.) The inspiration for the Mad Hatter’s eccentric personality is perhaps rooted in the behavior of Carroll’s contemporary hat matters. Because of the process used to make hats at the time, people in this professional were often “driven bad” from mercury poisoning.

Now, I don’t make hats for a living. So, calling myself “the Mad Hatter” is definitely tongue-in-cheek. But, the character does come to mind when reflecting on how my life is going. I spoke to my wife about my struggles to be “all things to all people,” and she told me that I “wear many hats.” And maybe wearing so many hats has driven me mad, figuratively speaking.

The Mad Hatter Driven to Wear Many Hats

When you hear stories of successful people, you often hear about their focus and dedication. To do one thing really well, they may choose to put other things on the back burner for a while. I struggle with that. Instead, I feel compelled to wear all the hats and put a lot of pressure on myself to wear them all to very high standards. Good enough for any of these isn’t good enough.

  • Professional writer and editor: The day job. This is what pays the bills and keeps the lights on, whether it’s through “traditional” employment or as a freelancer. Particularly as a freelancer, this divides into several sub-hats, one for each client and my responsibilities for each project.
  • Blogger and content creator: Between this blog, YouTube, Instagram, and whatever other online channels, I want to stay active in this space too. I’d include #5DadsGoWild as part of this hat, which is often a warm toque.
  • Shuttle driver: Most days, I drive my wife to and from work, plus my kid(s) to and from school and extracurricular activities. These carve out very scheduled chunks out of my day.
  • Engaged father: I’ve said many times that becoming a dad has been, far and away, the most profound life change I’ve ever experienced. Parenthood is all-encompassing. I want to be a “good dad” and not a “bad dad,” whatever that means.
  • Devoted husband: Marriage takes work. And I want to be the “good husband” my wife deserves. I fail often, but I try.
  • Dutiful son: Though my mom is still very self-sufficient, she does lean on me for certain things and I need to be there for her.
  • Trusted friend: I want my friends to trust that they can rely on me if they need me. Whether that’s for a dad joke for a groan-ish giggle, or a sympathetic ear after a tough day, I want to be there for them.
  • Valued member of society: I want to be a “good person” who “does his part.” This bleeds into thoughts around what my legacy will be and if I’m “doing enough” to make the world a better place.

There’s probably more. Food delivery person, chief financial officer, dedicated bookworm, (home) office manager, library logistician… you get my point. And I’m surely not the only Mad Hatter out here trying to wear too many hats at once. It’s exhausting, deflating and demoralizing when I inevitably come up short in one or more of these roles.

But, I can’t convince myself to put one or more of these hats back on the rack, at least for a moment. I have to wear them all, all the time. Except I totally can’t.

Know Your Role (and Shut Your Mouth)

Okay, I’m not sure why I’m bringing The Rock into this discussion. His catchphrase just came to mind as I was writing this. And I thought back to when I first became a dad and was trying to figure out my role in the delivery room. Obviously, as the non-pregnant person, I wasn’t the one going through the physical process of childbirth. Nor am I any sort of medical professional.

In my book, Beyond the Baby Babble, I listed the many roles that dads (can) play in the birthing suite:

  • Messenger
  • Gatekeeper
  • Errand boy
  • Record keeper
  • Reminder-er
  • Extra pair of hands
  • Support person

To help facilitate the proceedings to the best of my ability, I tried to, well, know my role and shut my mouth. Except for offering words of encouragement and moral support, I guess. I could use some of those words myself now, actually.

You Can Do Anything (But Not Everything)

If we ignore systemic and pragmatic barriers (a big ask, I know), it’s broadly true that you can do anything. Want to write a book? Start a YouTube channel? Sell handcrafted birdhouses on Etsy? Play Mario Kart all day with your kids? You can do any of these things. But, you can’t do all of them, at least not at the same time. Finite resources—like time, focus and energy (and money)—limit our ability to get things done.

So, you have to pick. And, as a Mad Hatter, I’ve always struggled with deciding on the order of priorities. They’re all important to me. Devoting myself more to one thing, like building up my professional career, is inherently at the detriment of another thing, like blogging more frequently here on Beyond the Rhetoric. A small part of me dies inside every time I have to make that decision. Surely, I’m not alone in this experience.

I don’t have the answers, obviously. But, maybe having a bit of personal insight and self-awareness as a Mad Hatter is a necessary first step. Who wants to join me for a tea party?