Whether or not you have kids of your own, you’ve surely heard about the terrible twos. Society has taught us all that those two-year-old toddlers can be absolute tyrants. That particular age is the bane of every parent’s existence, because you simply cannot negotiate with these little terrors and their ceaseless tantrums. Here’s the thing, though. Despite the tantrums and big emotions of the terrible twos, they really aren’t all that bad. In fact, they can be pretty good.

The Terrible Twos Narrative Explained

Simply speaking, the terrible twos describe a period of child development where two-year-olds often display rapid mood swings and challenging behavior, much to their parents’ and caretakers’ chagrin. It can be very difficult for parents and caretakers to deal with these sudden outbursts of emotion. Temper tantrums are the norm.

1. The Other Minds Problem

At the root of the terrible twos are a few factors, including this notion of the other minds problem. As I wrote years ago, before I even became a parent myself:

Right around the age of two, children not only start to realize that they are separate from the rest of the world, but also that their experience of the world is different than other people. And this creates a dissonance, especially when it comes to the parents or caretakers. I want candy, so why aren’t mommy and daddy giving it to me? That is why we call it the terrible twos.

2. The Communication Challenge

In addition to coming to grips with the other minds problem, the other major factor at play is a failure to communicate. And this is true in both directions. They’re still figuring out how to understand what you’re saying, while simultaneously trying to figure out how to communicate what they’re thinking and feeling too.

3. The Independence Dissonance

Third, children at this age can really struggle with their sense of autonomy. They want to exert their independence — “I do it myself! — but they are still utterly reliant on their grown-ups. What this means, for example, is that they might demand to tie their own shoelaces, but also demand that Mommy or Daddy tie their shoelaces. This cognitive dissonance can, as you might guess, lead to emotional outbursts and inconsolable tantrums.

It Really Can Be the Terrific Twos

Even though this time in a toddler’s life can be difficult (for both them and their parents), it’s actually one of the most wonderful times too. Having lived through it once with our first-born and currently going through it with our second child, I can say from experience that the so-called terrible twos can be pretty terrific too. To put it briefly, I can summarize in three quick points.

  • Personality: Let’s be honest. Newborn babies are awfully cute, but they don’t really do much of anything. They just lie there. You might get an occasional smile or giggle between cries and poops, but that’s about it. It’s only after the first couple years of life that you really start to see your child’s personality come shining through. They start to get a better handle on humor, doing things on purpose to make you laugh. Both of my kids are pretty snarky, which certainly keeps things entertaining.
  • Language skills: It’s right around the age of two that children start to piece together the vocabulary they have into short sentences of about three words (or more). One word is cute. But watching them string together several words in a row and actually convey meaning? It’s really remarkable and rewarding. Instead of just “open,” our two-year-old is now saying things like, “Baba, open this, please?” These are the kind of milestones in development that make parenting so worthwhile.
  • Cuteness overload: Between their emerging personalities and developing language skills, plus their added desire to explore the world and exert their independence, two-year-olds are a ceaseless source of overwhelming cuteness. They’re getting more sure-footed as they toddle around the playground and look for books at the library. They crack jokes and make funny faces on purpose. And, you really start to see them blossom as tiny humans doing actual human things.

Do the Terrible Twos Get Better?

New parents often ask more experienced parents if it gets better. Surely, it does, right? Well, the reality is that it doesn’t necessarily get any easier, but rather things just get different. Just when you think you’ve graduated from the Terrible Twos, consider what’s in store for you in the coming years:

  • Threenager
  • What the Fours
  • For Five’s Sake
  • Six and Tired of This
  • Severe Sevens
  • Hateful Eights

… you get the idea. And we haven’t even hit the tween and teenage years yet, which surely come with their own set of, let’s say, unique challenges. As parents, we just have to make the conscious and intentional decision to “cherish every moment,” as trite and cliche as that might sound. They grow up so quickly, so do your best to live in the moment while the moment is still here. And you’ll find that the Terrible Twos can indeed be pretty terrific.