This is hardly a new topic as I’ve been thinking about the definition of success for a very long time. What is success, exactly? At its core, what does it actually mean to be successful? Partly to get out of my own head and mostly in an effort to see if there was any sort of consensus on the topic, I reached out to the internet hivemind. No, this is nowhere near scientific and there’s surely some self-selection bias going on, but it can still offer some interesting insight into the nature of “success” and our relationship with it.

Here’s How You Defined Success

Years and years and years ago, before I got married, bought a house or had kids, I explored the different components of success. I figured money would always figure into the equation, but I knew it wasn’t enough on its own. I recognized the importance of family and friends, for example, plus some sense of fulfillment or purpose. But, if we had to drill it down, what would you identify as the single greatest indicator of success?

Seeking the answer to this question, I posted the same poll on both Twitter and Instagram:

What is the most important element that defines what success is?

What is success - Michael Kwan - Beyond the Rhetoric

In this poll, I offered four options:

  • Possessions and appearance got 0 percent of total votes.
  • Income and net worth, represented as “money” in the above chart, got 5 percent of votes.
  • Time freedom and lifestyle, represented as “lifestyle” above, got 54 percent.
  • Happiness received 41 percent of the total votes.

I find it especially surprising that the outward appearance of wealth and success — marked by physical possessions like houses, cars and clothes — received zero votes altogether. I assumed that when most of us envision “a successful person,” we see a big house, elaborate meals, and a Tesla parked out back. Maybe not.

What Does This Mean? What Is Success?

On some level, I doubt I’m alone in thinking that the conventional definition of success involves having nice things. Even if you’re not particularly materialistic, you might want to have a nicer phone, a bigger TV, or a more luxurious car. The appearance of wealth is more important to some people than others, especially in this age of curated social media personas. But even if we take this at face value, very few people voted for “income and net worth” either.

Put another way, the people who responded to the poll see neither the appearance of wealth nor actual wealth as the key indicator of success. So, if it’s not about looking rich or being rich, then what does “success” really mean?

The poll option with the greatest support, garnering a little over half of all votes, is this idea of “time freedom” and “lifestyle.” Like all the other terms in this not-at-all scientific study, semantics surely play a role and the terms are open to interpretation. But, if I were to posit a guess, this means that most people would rather earn less money (but have more “free time”) than earn more money or own more things (but have less “free time”).

Time is more valuable than money.

Self-determination, the ability to choose how and when we spend our time, is more valuable than material wealth.

The poll option with the second greatest number of votes, not too far behind the notion of time freedom and lifestyle, is “happiness.” But, is happiness really the greatest indicator of success? Or are they two distinct ideas that intersect with one another to some degree. In his recent memoir, Will Smith explains:

The problem was, I’d conflated being successful with being loved and being happy. These are three separate things.

And since I’d conflated them, I ended up suffering from an even more insidious version of the “subtle sickness,” which I can best describe as “more, more, more, more.” If I am more successful, I’ll be happier, and people will love me more.

I’m inclined to agree. Someone can be wildly successful in a conventional sense. They can have a rewarding, fulfilling job that pays them handsomely. They can have a loving family, a flexible schedule, and plenty of nice things. But, they can still be unhappy. Getting rich and famous — or “successful,” if you will — is not the answer.

Will Smith continues:

I was trying to fill an internal emotional hole with external, material achievements. Ultimately, this kind of obsession is insatiable. The more you get, the more you want, all the time never quite scratching the itch. You end up with a mind consumed by what it doesn’t have and what it didn’t get, and in a spiraling inability to enjoy what it has.

Conversely, it’s possible (though admittedly very difficult for most of us) to be not conventionally successful, but still happy. Just look at the average Costa Rican. The per capita income there is just $11,900. And yet, by and large, they’re among the happiest people on Earth.

Of course, it’s probably a lot easier to be happy if you’re successful. It helps when you don’t have to stress and worry and lose sleep over money problems. That frees you up to worry about so-called life problems, like purpose, love and happiness. And that’s a tremendous privilege.

On Mindset, Happiness and Success

Our actions don’t always align with our beliefs or value systems. We might say that we value our physical health, but sometimes we can’t be bothered to cut the carbs or hit the gym. Similarly, we might say that income and “nice things” aren’t that important in the grand scheme of things, but we also spend so much time ruminating on money and money issues. I know I do.

In the end, I think we all want to be both happy and successful. So, how do we do that? Maybe we need to slow down.

As Shawn Achor said in his TED Talk over a decade ago, most of us have it backwards. Will Smith did. We think that once we’re successful, then we’ll be happy. The reality is that it’s when we’re happy in the first place that we’ve got a better shot at being successful. Whatever “success” means to you. So, let’s take the time to start there.