Dear Toxic Positivity,

We’ve known each other for a very long time. Over the years, you’ve gone by many different names and worn many different outfits. You’ve gone under the guise of Drive and Ambition, for example. When I looked upon my peers, wide-eyed and bushy-tailed, I had dreams of a remarkably bright future. You were there, reminding me of their successes and triumphs.

“See,” you’d point out. “Look how great Karl is doing at his co-op job placement. They’re already offering him the opportunity to come back this summer.”

This wasn’t before the age of social media, per se, but even now-defunct platforms like Friendster were still in their infancy. If they existed at all. Zuckerberg was still working on TheFacebook and Instagram was still nearly a decade away. And yet, Toxic Positivity, you were still there. You just weren’t nearly as powerful and omnipresent as you are today.

These days, there’s no shortage of “self-help gurus” and “influencers” showing us what could be. What should be. What we are failing to achieve or experience today, because we’re not good enough right now. But we can. And if you’re not working toward that, hour after tireless hour, day after day, then you’re blowing your chance. Wasting your potential.

And there you are, Toxic Positivity, reminding me of these “facts” every time I open up a web browser or pick up my smartphone.

We’re at a point now where it feels like everyone is telling me to “live my best life.” That I’ve got to be “crushing it” with everything that I do. Whatever “it” is. And I should be doing more, because hustle culture says I should. It’s because of this, and because of you, Toxic Positivity, that I can’t take a break and do nothing without feeling horribly guilty. Because I should be spending that time being productive. Creating. Shooting YouTube videos, recording podcasts, authoring books, and making Reels for Instagram.

But, just creating isn’t enough to feed your insatiable, voracious hunger. Of course it isn’t. You know as well as anyone that everything has become a numbers game. How many followers do you have? How many likes or views did that post get? It’s not just about social media itself, either, but life in general, isn’t it? What’s the average or median household income in Metro Vancouver? How many vacations is your family taking? Well, at least when this pandemic is closer to being over. That’s all beside the point.

On average, we’d all like to believe that we’re exceptional. That we’re ahead of the curve. That we’re above average. Of course, logically, we know that can’t be true. If we’re all above average, then that just becomes the new average. It’s just like hedonic adaptation. Keeping up with the Joneses is all relative and we just keep moving the goal posts. Toxic Positivity, you keep moving the frame of reference.

Some people have said that the way you can break up with Toxic Positivity is by exercising Gratitude. Maybe. It’s absolutely true that Gratitude for what you have and Ambition for what you want can co-exist. At the same time, this reminds me that it could be worse. Of course it could. And all this ends up doing is making me feel crummy for feeling crummy. What do I have to complain about?

“Chin up,” you tell me. “You have no reason to be unhappy. And there’s definitely something wrong with you if you’re not overjoyed in every waking moment. Don’t you know that you’re #blessed to be where you are? To have what you have? Go on. Live your best life. Crush it. Crush everything. And hustle harder.”

In all fairness, it’s not like I’m completely blameless here either. You and I, we’ve been partners. I’m no stranger to sharing fancy lunches and fun vacations via the internet. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, except it paints a very skewed picture of my life. It’s carefully curated and filtered in its incompleteness. The more I feed you, the more powerful you become. You’re bigger than I am, because I’m not the only one feeding you.

But, we all know that a more balanced diet is better. Healthier. More sustainable.

On some level, I want to quit you. On another level, I don’t think I can. I’m not strong enough. So, Toxic Positivity, that means we need to work on our relationship so it can be healthier for everyone. We can both change for the better. I know I’ve got lots of room to grow. And perhaps, hopefully, some day in the not too distant future, you won’t be Toxic Positivity anymore. You’ll just be Positivity. And we’ll all be happier for it.

Signed,
Michael