There once was a man. His name was Dan. This man named Dan lived in a faraway land, beyond Japan, Iran and Uzbekistan. One day, Dan got up and ran. He thought, “I’m going as far and as fast as I can.”

As he ran, he bumped into a dude. This dude was in quite a mood, but he was not rude. With his eyes glued to this not rude dude, Dan waved howdy. This made the dude quite rowdy. He turned to Dan and asked soundly, “Perchance, do you know how to dance?”

Dan replied, “Absolutely, yes, I can. I can dance. I can prance, wield a lance, and even put you in a trance!”

“Can you tango with a mango? Or do the polka drinking a mocha?”

“I can tango with a mango and polka with a mocha. I can even do the haka while singing Mele Kalikimaka.”

“Impressive,” said the dude, the dude with no attitude.

“Okay. Good day, I must say. I need to get on my way if I may,” said Dan.

It wasn’t far before the man named Dan ran into his biggest fan. His name was Stan.

“I hear you can tango with mango, and do the polka with a mocha,” Stan the fan began asking Dan the man. “But can you can-can better than a young man from France?”

“Indeed, I can can-can. I can can-can dance, like I learned in France, the land of romance, and not just by circumstance. I can demonstrate, too, if you ask in advance,” said Dan the man to Stan the fan.

Just then, Stan’s wife arrived. Her name was Fran. Fran, the wife to Stan, Dan’s biggest fan, turned to Dan and asked deadpan, “Sure, you can can-can, but can you can? I mean, can you can fruits and vegetables like yams or rambutans?”

The man named Dan, eager to impress Fran and Stan, said, “Of course, I can. Of course, I can can. I can can yams, rambutans, whatever you’d like, ma’am. I can can yams with ham and jam. Bam! Yes, I can.”

And so, Dan the man, after he ran and spoke with Fran and Stan, not to exclude the dude with an interest in dance renewed, retired to his home in the faraway land… and ate his supper. Canned yams with spam, clams, leg of lamb and cheese edam, just as planned. With flan for dessert.

Author’s note: If anyone would like to volunteer to illustrate this silly short story in the style of Dr. Seuss, I’m all for it. Drop me a line and maybe we can collaborate on something for fun?