If you’re being truly honest with yourself, what would you say are the most important things in your life? While you might talk about health, wealth and family in this context, it’s not really about those things. Or at least not necessarily about those things. Put another way, your top values should best represent your biggest guiding principles. Part of this has to do with who you are, as well as the person you’d like to become. The ideal, fully self-actualized version of yourself.
It’s a big question. And your responses may change as your life circumstances change. For my part, here are my five top values, listed in no particular order.
Wisdom
At first, I thought about including “knowledge” as one of my top values. I think it’s important to know things, but it’s incomplete. I once read that knowledge is correctly identifying a one-way street. Wisdom is still looking the other way before crossing the street. It’s a rather poignant observation, wouldn’t you say? I hesitate to call myself an “intellectual” or any other label.
You see, the more you know, the more you realize how little you know. Put another way, the more you know, the bigger your body of knowledge becomes. At the same time, your perimeter of ignorance grows ever wider. So, you keep learning. Knowledge and wisdom absolutely have value in and of themselves, and I’m never satisfied with how little I know about things.
As poet and author Charles Bukowski once said, “The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”
Growth
This ties into the previous point about wisdom, because it is absolutely about an eagerness to learn. It is absolutely about having an insatiable curiosity about the world around us, recognizing the unfathomable value of endless inquiry. I originally put this value as “challenge,” but that’s not really accurate. Life isn’t easy, nor should it be, but something that is difficult for its own sake doesn’t hold much weight. I’m not interested in “building character” through hardship.
Rather, it’s about growing as a person. Moving forward and (ideally) in the “right” direction, whatever that means. I want to feel like I am a “better” person (again, whatever that means) today than I was yesterday or the day before. It’s a fine line between being grateful for where and who you are today, yet still wanting to be “more” or “better” tomorrow.
Compassion
Especially in a modern society and mainstream culture that places so much emphasis on individual success, so much focus on the “self,” it’s all that more important that we turn our attention outwards to those around us. How many times have you been engaged in a conversation, not really listening to what the other person is saying, but rather try to come up with what you’re going to say next? We all do it.
We forget that we are the center of the universe for no one else. Everyone else is living their own lives. But when you move your spotlight away from yourself and shine it on someone else, you make the world a better place for that person. And everyone else. Indeed, this notion of “compassion” or “empathy” is looped into a sense of being a “provider” for your family. Parents very much feel this. But it’s also about being a “contributor” to your local community and to wider society at large.
It’s important to me to try my best to be kind and offer genuine empathy.
Impact
Okay, so I know I just said that one of my top values is to exercise compassion and empathy. To look outwards and seek to truly understand what other people are going through. To be kind. But, I’d be lying if I said that I never turn inward. Truth be told, I do it often. That’s why one of my top values is that I want to feel like what I’m doing actually means something and is making a difference.
It’s about seeking a sense of relevance our purpose. I know that some people view “influencer” as a bit of a dirty word, but it also speaks to my desire to have an impact. To have a positive “influence” on those around me, and to leave a legacy I can be proud of.
Humor
Ask some of my friends and they’ll tell you that I can be too serious at times. They’ll bring up The Dark Knight and Heath Ledger’s Joker: “Why so serious?” Maybe that’s true, to some extent. Or maybe what they describe as “serious” is more about how I can take both a pragmatic and philosophical approach to almost any topic. I enjoy intellectual discourse, taking about subjects big, small, mundane or profound. I suppose this goes back to the top values of wisdom and growth.
Even so, life is far too short to be so serious all the time. It’s no secret that I love the good (bad) dad joke, and I’m frequently looking for a laugh. That’s possibly another way I seek the top goal of having an “impact.” Either way, humor is a vital component to a complete, fulfilling life. Even His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama is known to be quite the jokester.
Top Values, Top Priority?
I was inspired to write today’s blog post after listening to a recent Jay Shetty podcast on this very topic. You might remember when I previously shared his views on purpose, passion and paychecks. In any case, taking the time to think about your top values is a very worthwhile exercise.
Once you’ve identified your top values, Shetty says there are two very important follow-up questions you should ask:
- How do you affirm or support these values every day?
- How do you undermine or work against these values each day?
After you’ve reflected on these questions, it’s time to take the next logical step. Or steps, rather. One, focus on doing more in service of your top values. And, two, do your best to reduce what you’re doing that might be going against your values. Are you living your life the way you actually want to live your life?
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