“Joy,” as the Archbishop said during the week, “is much bigger than happiness. While happiness is often seen as being dependent on external circumstances, joy is not.” This state of mind and heart is much closer to both the Dalai Lama’s and the Archbishop’s understanding of what animates our lives and what ultimately leads to a life of satisfaction and meaning.

What do you want out of life? Whether it’s fame, fortune, a fulfilling career or a loving family, they all have the same underlying motivation. When you get to the bottom of the “why” for any of these, at the end of the day, we just want to be happy. But, The Book of Joy reminds us that “happiness” isn’t really enough nor is it really the right goal. It’s joy. Even though they sound like the same thing, they’re really not.

Long-time readers of this blog will know that I’ve written extensively about happiness. I’ve talked about how happiness equals reality minus expectation. If you expect truly remarkable things and “only” get “great” things, you’re going to be disappointed. You get stuck on a hedonic treadmill, constantly seeking bigger, better, brighter, shinier, newer things, just to maintain the same level of happiness.

That’s because, as the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu explain in The Book of Joy, happiness is inherently fleeting. Happiness is here one moment and fades away the very next moment. As the excerpt above says, it’s dependent on external circumstances. Joy comes form within and it is enduring.

How to Live With Joy

Sure, you might argue that this is simply a matter of semantics. In truth, it’s more a matter of mindset and perspective. More and more, I’m seeing a movement away from “chasing happiness,” so to speak, and toward a calmer, more sustainable, long-term sense of joy. Some people might call it contentment. This represents a shift away from seeking ever greater rewards, per se, and toward embracing what’s already there.

Even rapper Asher Roth echoes this sentiment: “Happiness isn’t about getting what you want all the time. It’s about loving what you have.” On some level, you could also say that it’s choosing to be happier with less. That’s what we see with the minimalism movement. Joy comes from within, even when faced with incredible hardship and sorrow. Indeed, in the book, the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu talk about cultivating a “lasting way of being.”

They shared their hard-won wisdom of how to live with joy in the face of life’s inevitable sorrows. Together they explored how we can transform joy from an ephemeral state into an enduring trait, from a fleeting feeling into a lasting way of being.

You have to remember that the Dalai Lama had to escape Tibet as a teenager and he’s been living in exile for over 60 years. Archbishop Desmond Tutu endured apartheid-era South Africa. Their lives have not been easy. And yet, they smile, laugh, and dance. They are joyful.

The Book of Joy explores this paradox at length. Among the many insights and conclusions we can draw from this book, one of the biggest is this. Joy comes from helping others. It comes from focusing less on ourselves as individuals and more on our common humanity. Whether you’re a Christian, Buddhist, or atheist, whether you’re Tibetan, South African or American, we’re all human. And we can always connect on a human level, beyond titles, political borders and material wealth.

The Eight Pillars of Joy

Obviously, I can’t encapsulate everything from The Book of Joy in the confines of this blog post. I can, however, leave you with this fundamental framework. The book is organized around these eight pillars of joy. As you cultivate each of these, you’ll work toward living a life filled with joy and meaning. Work on developing a resilient way of living that can endure the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

  1. Perspective
  2. Humility
  3. Humor
  4. Acceptance
  5. Forgiveness
  6. Gratitude
  7. Compassion
  8. Generosity

The Book of Joy is available now in hardcover, paperback, and Kindle editions. Douglas Abrams serves as the “narrator,” documenting a multi-day conversation on the topic of joy between His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu.

Disclosure: As an Amazon associate I earn from qualifying purchases. All opinions are my own.