Ask just about any mom or dad out there what it is they want the most. After getting past the saccharine sweet answer of “I just want my kids to be happy,” you’ll get at the real answer: a good night’s sleep. Two or three of them in a row, if you can spare them. The trope of the totally exhausted parent is rooted in a lot of truth. So, what can we do to enjoy a restful night’s slumber? Are there any practical sleep tips that are actually realistic? How can we improve both the quantity and the quality of our sleep?

Well, truth be told, I realize that some of these sleep tips may seem more or less realistic than the others. Parenting is hard work, absolutely, and it’s a 24/7 responsibility. Even so, you’ve got to take care of yourself, so you can take better care of your children. That starts with getting the rest you need. I borrowed most of these pointers from Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams by Matthew Walker, if you’re interested in reading further.

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Exercise Regularly

Studies have shown that physical exercise is tremendously beneficial for improving quantity and quality of sleep. By contrast, a sedentary lifestyle is detrimental to your sleep. Speaking for myself, I know I’ve never been a gym person and I spend almost all day in front of a computer. This is one of the many reasons why hitting my daily step goal is a major habit I want to maintain through 2021.

Move your body. Get that heart pumping. If it means playing Just Dance with the kids, so be it. If you’d rather go for a neighborhood walk, have at ‘er. One foot in front of the other. Just remember that, generally speaking, you should avoid exercising within a couple hours of bedtime if you can. It takes time for your body to wind down, particularly your core body temperature. Which leads us to…

Stay Cool, Daddy-o

You might think that getting all “warm and cozy” is how you’ll lull yourself to sleep. Except, it’s totally not. You know that trope where dads tell everyone not to touch the thermostat? It turns out father really knows best (at least sometimes). He just might not have known why, beyond reducing the monthly power bill.

Your core body temperature drops a couple degrees when you go to sleep. A cooler room can facilitate and induce you to sleep. A room that’s too warm, especially if you’re wearing thick pajamas under heavy blankets, can actually keep you up. A warm bath before bed can help, because it draws your blood to the skin’s surface. When you step out of the bath, you cool your core body temperature.

Establish a Consistent Bedtime

Do you find that you feel tired all the time? You’re definitely not alone. Between the early mornings getting the kids ready for school and the late nights catching up on Netflix (let’s be honest, right?), our weekdays can be a bit of a mess. So, as exhausted parents, we might try to “catch up” on our sleep on the weekend. If the kids let us, we might sleep in an extra hour or two on Saturday or Sunday.

As much as you might think this helps, the impact is minimal. You know how you want your kids to have a consistent bedtime, both in terms of time and routine? That applies to you too, Mom and Dad. This is perhaps one of the simplest (but also hardest) sleep tips to implement. Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day, including weekends. That way, Monday morning can feel a bit more bearable.

Eliminate Clock Anxiety

Avoid having or positioning clocks in the bedroom in a way that you can see the time from your bed. Hard, I know. Many of us grew up with alarm clocks on our bedside tables. These days, maybe you use your phone as your alarm clock. Either way, the rationale here is that you’re working to minimize or eliminate clock anxiety.

If you have trouble falling asleep, staring at the time can make things worse. You beat yourself up for not falling asleep, making yourself more anxious, feeding into a vicious cycle that prevents you from falling asleep. It’s also best if you can wake up “naturally” without an alarm, but that may or may not be practical in your life.

Reduce Caffeine Intake

I know. As far as common sleep tips go, many experts will tell you to cut the late night caffeine. You know it keeps you up, seeing how caffeine has a half-life of about five hours. Lately, I’ve been trying my best to avoid drinking coffee and other sources of caffeine after lunchtime. This way, by the time I go to bed, I should have less than 25 percent of the stuff circulating in my system.

Really, though, the much more effective (albeit much more difficult) advice is to cut caffeine altogether, including your morning coffee. Despite its myriad benefits, caffeine doesn’t really give you any more energy. It just fools your mind and body into thinking you’re not tired. The underlying exhaustion is still there. By reducing the caffeine in your system, you can more accurately assess your actual level of tiredness.

(Spoiler: You’re probably very tired, as most parents are.)

Skip the Night Cap

When talking about exhausted parents, it’s not just physical exhaustion we’re talking about. I don’t need to tell you that tired parents are also very much mentally drained. So, after the kids finally go to bed, you think that you now have time to kick back, relax, and maybe binge through a few episodes on Netflix. A glass of wine, a bottle of beer, or a bit of whiskey might feel like a great way to unwind after a long and stressful day.

Believe me, I know this feeling all too well. And while you might think that this “night cap” will help you sleep, alcohol actually inhibits REM sleep. What this means is that you fall asleep more easily, sure, but you won’t be getting the natural, restful sleep that your body and brain need. Alcohol is more of a sedative than an effective sleep aid. You get less REM sleep and your non-REM sleep is of poorer quality too.

Cut the Lights

We finish this list of sleep tips with one that you’ve likely heard dozens of times before. There’s actually (at least) two parts to this. First, try to start your nighttime routine with dimmer lights around the house in general. If you bathe yourself in bright light, you’ll generally have a harder time falling asleep. Your body is being tricked into thinking it’s still daytime.

Second, and you can probably see this coming, is that you should try your best to eliminate screen time for at least an hour before bed. That means no smartphones, no tablets, no computers, and yes, no television. “Night mode” and blue light filters help but they don’t help enough. Even reading on a backlit Kindle is better than reading an ebook on a tablet or your phone.

Sleeping Like a Baby

It’s funny when people say they slept like a baby. Does this mean they woke up every couple of hours, looking for a snack and comfort? And a bathroom break? Parents of newborns know this whole “sleeping like a baby” thing all too well. The truth is that implementing sleep tips like the ones I describe above is part of an ongoing process. Don’t beat yourself up if you falter now and then. We’ve all got to do whatever works best for us.

And really, it can start from simply cutting ourselves a bit more slack. The myth of Supermom is harmful to both parents, and Superdads shouldn’t feel bad when they don’t quite live up to the moniker either. It’s okay to retreat to your fortress of solitude now and then. Real parents need real sleep on a much more consistent basis. We’re not powered by the sun.

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