There’s so much contradictory advice. And it can oftentimes feel like every decision is wrong. Always put your best foot forward, but don’t worry what other people think. Or you can look at exactly the same situation and describe it in two entirely different ways. Being busy means you always have something to do. To this end, both the mixed messages we tell ourselves and ones other people tell us really come down to a matter of perspective. It’s how you choose to look at things.
Taking the Easy Way Out
Let’s say that someone never cooks for themselves. Prior to all these “shelter in place” restrictions, this person would go out to eat practically every meal. These days, they might order a lot of delivery and takeout. Some people might say that this person is lazy. “Just learn how to cook something,” they might say. “You’re an adult! Act like one,” they may continue.
But, when you look at this situation through a different lens, you may describe the same person as choosing the path of least resistance. They’re going with the more “effortless” option, because they’d rather spend their time doing something else (and they can afford to pay for all this delivery and takeout). In this way, you may view this same person as being “efficient” or “making smart choices.”
Sometimes, “taking the easy way out” is lazy. Other times, it could just be more efficient and a more effective use of resources.
The Driven Workaholic
This is certainly not the first time that I’ve talked about when people are all about that hustle life and it probably won’t be my last. It is curious, though, how we receive these sorts of mixed messages from mass media. On a societal level, we seem to adore people who are so driven, so dedicated, so passionate about their work. They put in those long hours and they achieve great things. We love hearing about these sorts of success stories. It gives us hope that anyone can “make it” if they work hard enough.
And then, at the same time, we see all these movies and TV shows where the character so dedicated to their work is seen as unbalanced, shallow, self-centered, narrow-visioned, or somehow inhuman. Their relationships fall apart or they lose the opportunity to connect with their one true love. So, working too much is bad. But it’s also good? Until it’s bad?
Knowing What You Want
At this point, you’ve surely noticed how mixed messages can get intertwined with stereotypes. So-called gender-appropriate toys are only the beginning. If a young boy really asserts himself, many people would call him “confident.” But if a young girl does exactly the same thing, she can be labeled as “bossy.” This extends into adulthood with a “driven” or “assertive” man, but an “entitled” woman. That’s just not right.
They both “know what they want,” and people just choose to frame that differently based on who is expressing that characteristic.
In the video above, a group of children are instructed to march in place at a certain tempo. All the girls in the video do it perfectly, and none of the boys do it correctly. Some comments — on Twitter and YouTube — describe the girls as “coordinated” and “smart,” whereas others call the girls “conformist” and say that “prey species often rely on herd mentality and slave morality.”
Similarly, some comments said the boys were “unruly” and “wild” and “undisciplined,” whereas others said the boys “demonstrate individuality and leadership characteristics” with a “desire to question the status quo.”
Guiding Words, Desired Perception
You might describe a person who is too concerned with their own looks as conceited or shallow. In much the same way, you might call someone an unkempt slob if they don’t care at all how they look. Similarly, someone who is overly happy and positive all the time can feel exhausting to be around… but nobody likes a negative Nancy, right? And that boy who always keeps to himself: is he shy or just thoughtful? Is he lost in his thoughts or scared of the world?
Really, it’s about striking a healthy balance and choosing the lens through which you view the world.
We have to remember — and I cannot stress this enough — but word choice matters. Just as we can see in the cognitive triad, thoughts influence behavior, just as much as behavior influence thoughts. And the words we choose in our thoughts (and in our speech and writing) impact what other people think, say and do as well. Are you lazy or efficient? Dedicated or narrow-minded? It’s up to you to decide.
And if you want to change things, maybe you can take a page out of George Costanza and “do the opposite.” I’m sure that’ll work out just fine!
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