If you’ve ever wondered how I manage to “do it all,” how I “hold it down,” the truth is that I don’t. Most days — every day, if we’re being perfectly honest — I feel like I come up short in one way or another. Adult responsibilities can be overwhelming.

But, as much as I might complain about being stressed or anxious, I never complain about being bored. I prefer the challenge, because the alternative is, well, boring.

To the Limit

Life is hard, as it should be. As it needs to be. It is only when we push ourselves to our limit that we can see what we are really capable of achieving. That being said, constantly going beyond our perceived competence or skill level is incredibly stressful. It can have a profoundly negative impact on both our physical and mental health.

When we’re good at something, though, and we have the opportunity to flex that muscle, it sure feels good. And this speaks to the relationship between challenge level and skill level as it relates to our mental state.

Skill level vs. challenge level

Think about (almost) everything you do in your life in terms of these two dimensions of skill level and challenge level.

Life as a Game of Chess

A great way to illustrate this sort of dynamic is by considering in the context of a game of chess.

  • Low skill + low challenge = Apathy: If you’re not very good at chess, and you’re playing another beginner, you might not really care, especially if you don’t enjoy playing chess in the first place.
  • Low skill + medium challenge = Worry: If you’re not very good at chess, but your opponent is pretty good, you start to develop some stress and worry.
  • Low skill + high challenge = Anxiety: This elevates the stress you feel under the previous combination to a much higher level, especially if there is more on the line. If you’re a first-time parent who has never changed a diaper, you know this feeling all too well.
  • Medium skill + low challenge = Boredom: If you’ve got some chess skills and you’re playing against someone who is obviously less experienced than you are, that’s one boring game.
  • Medium skill + high challenge = Arousal: This is how I feel with many online games, like Street Fighter or Mario Kart. I’ve been playing these games for years, but when I encounter more talented opponents, my concentration improves and I really get into the game.
  • High skill + low challenge = Relaxation: While you might think this lends itself to even higher levels of boredom, think about some of your favorite hobbies. If you’re really good at something and you’re doing something relatively easy, it can be very relaxing. You don’t need a high level of arousal to experience a positive mental state.
  • High skill + medium challenge = Control: This is like relaxation, but you are being tested just a little bit more. When a dominant chess player takes on a competent foe who isn’t quite on their level, this can serve as a great ego boost.
  • High skill + high challenge = Flow: A concept explained by psychology professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, flow describes a mental state wherein you are fully engrossed in the task at hand. The work is hard, but you feel up to the challenge. I’m lucky to experience this now and then with blogging and video editing.

The Challenge of Overwhelm

Perhaps we should consider adding one more factor to this framework. What if, in addition to skill level and challenge level, we also think about the level of relative focus?

Speaking from my own experience, the challenge can be great and I think I do have the skills to handle it… just not all of it at once. When I am given the time and space to focus entirely on blogging or vlogging, I can achieve a state of flow. But, trying to balance that with work from my freelance clients, daddy duties, household responsibilities and more can be incredibly overwhelming. It’s too much whelm.

Or, maybe I just lack the skill to balance it all. And that’s how I find myself in the “anxiety” portion of the graph. Maybe. Certainly something to think about.