He saw the true face of the twentieth century and chose to become a reflection, a parody of it. No one else saw the joke. That’s why he was lonely.

Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says, “But doctor… I am Pagliacci.”

Chances are that Alan Moore didn’t invent the modern trope of the “sad clown.” Even so, after I read this passage in Watchmen, delivered as a Rorschach monologue, I couldn’t help but to pause and reflect. How poignant. How on point. Because, sometimes, the people who laugh the loudest are the ones who are hurting the most. Maybe the Comedian was hurting.

I didn’t know anything about the 2009 live action movie (directed by Zack Snyder) at the time. The trailer evoked the same kind of film noir vibe as Sin City, and I just knew it’d be my jam. It was dark and gritty — this is a DC franchise, after all — and oh so moody. But somehow, it has taken me another ten years before I decided to pick up the Watchmen comic book series by Alan Moore.

And it’s dark and gritty. And poignant.

If you look past the visceral and sometimes violent visuals (V for Vendetta is also by Alan Moore), you uncover powerful insights into both society at large and the human condition. Like that of the sad clown. Today, we encourage people with depression to reach out, but mental health issues are still largely stigmatized. Walk it off. Go see the great clown and you’ll feel better. Except, you won’t. That’s the truth of despair. You feel like there is no escape.

An observation that I discovered recently, one that I likely knew all along but never really took the time to think about, is the fact that “being alone” is not the same thing as “being lonely.” You can be surrounded by people, outwardly happy people even, and still feel incredibly lonely. Like no one else is really there with you. Like no one else can understand.

So, you can try to find an outlet for personal expression. Pagliacci may have thought that he’d find joy as a clown, but that didn’t really work out. Maybe you’ll find meaning and peace with painting giant canvases. Hopefully, unlike Rorschach, you don’t decide to become a masked vigilante with a penchant for gory violence. What do you see in the inkblot?

Are you excited about the upcoming HBO series set to premiere in October? The initial trailers seem to focus heavily on Rorschach. Do you think other familiar faces will pop up? Who will watch the Watchmen? (Apparently, Alan Moore will not. He’s not a fan of adaptations of his work.)

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