Inspired from a George Takei post on Facebook, Ed Lau and I started to wonder how would other popular songs be affected if Spock from Star Trek was given the opportunity to rewrite the lyrics. In case you missed it, the original post from George Takei was a re-interpretation of “Milkshake” by Kelis:
My dairy-based frozen confection creates a focal point to which young males of the species are drawn. You are correct: it is far superior to yours. I could attempt to educate you on the finer points of this subject, but it would require monetary recompense on your part.
You may have figured out that the graphic posted at the top is a re-envisioning of “What Is Love” by Haddaway: “What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me.” Yes, somehow all of my Spock-ified lyrics become much more wordy than the original.
This exercise continued with several other popular songs, some of which I have pasted below. The challenge that I set out for you is to see if you can identify all of them. Some of these reworked lyrics are my creation, while others belong to Ed Lau.
Song #1
The Siberian-sourced fatal game of chance is inconsistent with its original purpose if the phaser is illegitimate or not present. And, my dearest acquaintance, amorous relations does not generate the equivalent level of serotonin if an increased degree of force is not utilized.
Oh, it would be my intention to elevate the body temperature of the male of the species as I present to him that which belongs to me. Oh, it would be my intention to elevate the body temperature of the male of the species as I present to him that which belongs to me.
It is not within the realm of reason, that is to say that it would be illogical if you possessed the ability to interpret the visible indications on the visage that belongs to me as we participate in the activity with which a series of distributed items are arranged in pre-configured combinations wherein certain combinations are deemed superior to others.
(And thus, the presumed conclusion is that there is no perceivable entity that will serve as the target for the reproductive instincts of the present female protagonist.)
It is not within the realm of reason, that is to say that it would be illogical if you possessed the ability to interpret the visible indications on the visage that belongs to me as we participate in the activity with which a series of distributed items are arranged in pre-configured combinations wherein certain combinations are deemed superior to others.
Song #2
If you are experiencing difficulties with females then I sympathize with your situation, young sir. I too have many difficulties than number one less than one hundred but fortunately a woman is not among them.
Song #3
In the instance that I arrive at the pre-determined location, this is the scene that I observe. All the persons in attendance halt their current activities and fix their gaze upon me. A notable level of enthusiasm is contained within the lower half of my Starfleet Academy uniform and, without hesitation, I proudly display said enthusiasm to all those in the room. Displayed. Displayed. Displayed.
The young women in the room are physically attracted to me and this is a well-known and established fact to me.
Song #4
When the yellow dwarf star at the center of our solar system emits visible light, we will at that time excel at our pursuits. I have stated beforehand how I will exist at this location for an indefinite amount of time. For that same indefinite amount of time, we will share a mutually supportive relationship based on mutual understanding and interest. I have sworn an affidavit and until an undetermined conclusion, I shall endure.
At this specific time, there is more precipitation than at any other moment in recorded history. Be aware that we will continue to maintain mutual figurative possession and that you may position yourself vertically beneath my specialized apparatus for deflecting the downward descent of condensated atmospheric water vapor. You may position yourself vertically beneath my specialized apparatus designed for the deflecting the downward descent of condensated atmospheric water vapor.
Song #5
It has recently come to my attention that you have become an entity with whom I have had a previous acquaintance.
I’m not going to even try to figure them out because I am not good at music. But, I must say as a die hard Trekkie and was 7 when the series first started that Spock was never so wordy. He gave a concise answer, albeit sometimes hard to understand.
Even though George Takei started all this, I believe he is wrong in his interpretation of Spock.
Too funny, now i have no clue why but all I can think about is the Saturday Night Live sketch where what is love is playing and the two guys in the club are a mess.
Too funny! I’m a teacher trainer and I want to use this to discuss academic vocab. I can’t get # 3 though. Can you tell me? Thanks.
LMFAO – Sexy and I Know It.
Please develop more of these Spock rewrites. I have also heard “I am attracted to a copious posterior and am incapable of uttering a falsehood. My male siblings will concur . The moment I first observe the female enter with her narrow waistline and a large Gluteus Maximus within my line of visual accuity, I become arroused