But, seriously, just stop and think about that for a moment. If you really don’t care and you don’t want to put in any effort whatsoever, parenting really isn’t that hard. Indulge me, for a moment, as we consider what parenting might look like if we didn’t care, if we didn’t try.

The kid that hasn’t had a bath for days? Meh. The child who’s struggling in math or getting bullied in school? Oh well. The kid who doesn’t have proper school supplies or adequate supervision or warm clothing on a cold winter’s day? If you don’t care to try, none of these are problems.

If Something Is Hard, It’s Not Worth Trying?

Of course, it’s flippantly facetious to even entertain such a possibility of caring so little. The “hard” part of parenting comes into play — oh does it ever? — when we care. And thus, parenting gets harder the more we try. While we may go about it in different ways and we have different opinions of what exactly that means, it’s pretty safe to say that at least most parents want to do right by their children.

All else being equal, we probably want our kids to be happy, healthy and well-adjusted. Some parents may believe more firmly in tough love. Other parents may choose to restrict “junk food” and screen time. We can disagree over the specifics ad nauseum. But, at the end of the day, most parents care about their children, even if it doesn’t look like it. Even someone as seemingly toxic and maladjusted as Married With Children‘s Al Bundy genuinely cared for his family.

We could say the same kind of thing about Homer Simpson. He is the dad, after all, who told his son, “If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing.” Is that the kind of life lesson we should be teaching our children? I’ll leave that up to you in the comments to decide.

Are Modern Parents Failing Their Children?

The reality, as I’m sure you’ve already found out for yourself, is that parenting is hard. But, of course we should try, because our kids are obviously worth it. That all goes without saying. Bear in mind that Homer also said:

“Trying is the first step toward failure.”

Now, I don’t know about you, but I often feel like I’m coming short. No matter how hard I try, it feels like it’s never enough. I should be spending more quality time with the kids. I should be more patient with them and not lose my temper, but I should also be out there earning more money so I can give them the life I never had. It’s not a good head space to be in. I don’t recommend it.

Truthfully, expectations and standards around parenthood have changed so much over the years. Today’s parents put so much more pressure on ourselves to give our children every opportunity and experience and advantage possible. And anything short of perfection is unacceptable and inadequate. Good enough isn’t good enough anymore. Truthfully, parenting is hard because we’ve unwittingly chosen to make it hard for ourselves. Because we want to try that much harder.

Is it because we actually want to “do right” by our children? Or is this another manifestation of keeping up with the Joneses and their seemingly perfect little family? Maybe it’s a bit of both.

A Generational Divide in Effort?

Now, I’m certainly in no position to throw earlier generations of parents under the bus. It’s not that our parents didn’t try. It is possible, though, that they chose to try in different kinds of ways. And maybe they were more satisfied with “good enough,” rather than constantly reaching for unattainable new standards of parenting perfection. Plenty of memes remind us that ’80s kids were told to “be home before dark” and that’s about it. There are far fewer latchkey kids these days.

Some people may look back upon those “simpler” times as easier or even better. At the same time, we shouldn’t fall for the golden age fallacy either. I’m sure parents in the ’80s and earlier had their share of struggles too; they just might have been quite so public about it, seeing how they didn’t have blogs and social media to talk about it.

What I can say, though, is maybe the current generation of parents can cut ourselves a little slack when things aren’t always perfectly polished, Pinterest of Instagram-worthy moments. Sometimes, “giving up” and ordering pizza for dinner while indulging the kids in another movie night is okay. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Parenting doesn’t have to be so hard. Why not give it a try?