The world is a big, scary, dangerous place. It’s filled with all sorts of hazards and risks. A fear of heights (acrophobia) is common. Many people are afraid of spiders (arachnophobia). Do you get freaked out by being in enclosed areas? You’re not alone. Most people experience claustrophobia to some degree. Kids (and adults) can be scared of the dark (nyctophobia). But, I wouldn’t go so far as to say that any of these are my greatest fear.

The Vast Ocean of Phobias

If you read my guide to snorkeling a few years ago, then you’ll know that I don’t know how to swim. Shame on me, I know. By extension, as you might be able to guess, I have a very intense fear of drowning (thalassophobia). I don’t like putting my head underwater, I don’t like water up my nose, I don’t like not being to feel the floor beneath my feet. But even then, my greatest fear is not being dunked in the middle of the ocean.

On some level, it’s because I feel like I have some control over that. If I avoid situations where my head could go underwater — like snorkeling — then I can rationally avoid any possibility of drowning. Somewhat similarly, I have a moderate fear of being stung by a bee or wasp (melissophobia). But, if I stay indoors (welcome to my home office), I should be safe. So, what is my greatest fear? What am I most afraid of?

Is My Greatest Fear Irrational?

First, we have to understand that phobias and fears aren’t necessarily rational. Just like when it comes to anxiety or other mental health thought spirals, the mind thinks what it does without, well, giving it much thought. I know that I have a habit of ruminating (some might call it overthinking), so negative thoughts can keep swirling around between my ears and I don’t feel like I have any control over them. They just happen. They’re just there.

This is perhaps the greatest reason why my biggest fear isn’t something like a fear of heights, snakes, or the dark. The thing that I fear the most is something I feel like I can’t escape. I can’t get away from it, because my greatest fear resides solely in my head. For me, the thing I fear the most is unfulfilled potential.

A Land of What Ifs and What Could Have Beens

It’s something I’ve thought about a lot throughout my life, but increasingly so as I’ve gotten older. To put this in a bit of context, I was identified as someone with “potential” from a young age. In grade 4, they brought in another student to teach me grade 5 math, because grade 4 math was too easy for me. In grades 5 to 7, I joined an “enrichment program” with other “gifted” students. During high school, I took an accelerated path where I completed three years of math and science in two years. And I was always among the top 3 of my grade overall.

In short, this built up a sense of ego and entitlement. I had big plans for who I was going to become, and it all seemed very real. And very reasonable. Of course, as you might have figured out, I’m not some multi-millionaire gracing the cover of Time magazine. I’m just a regular guy. As I look back, I feel like I squandered my so-called potential. I feel like I never turned my potential caterpillar into a blossoming butterfly.

We’re comfortably middle class. But all my life, I was told — explicitly or implicitly — that I was “special” or “exceptional.” I don’t think I’ve lived up to that.

Is It Ever Gonna Be Enough?

Word this how you’d like. You could say my greatest fear is unfulfilled potential, a life of missed opportunities and what ifs. Perhaps my greatest fear is the possibility of greatness, but a reality of mediocrity. In so many aspects of my life, I struggle with this notion of being not enough. I’m not as successful as I thought I was going to be in my professional life. I’m not being a “good enough” father to my children. And, as someone who was supposed to be “gifted” or “special,” being “good enough” just isn’t good enough.

“But You’re Still Young!”

This is all relative, of course, as are so many other things in life. Ask a teenager or someone in their early 20s, and they’ll say that people in their late 30s (like me) are soooo old. Conversely, ask someone in their 50s or 60s, and they might say I still have my whole life ahead of me. That these are the good old days and I should enjoy them while they last.

We hear stories about people who didn’t achieve their great success until a little later in life. Samuel L. Jackson didn’t get his “big break” in Pulp Fiction until he was 46. Arianna Huffington didn’t launch The Huffington Post until she was 55. So, I’ve still got time to turn this “unfulfilled potential” into something more… maybe. Or perhaps, it’s more about getting over this needless pressure and toxic hustle culture. Maybe it’s more about embracing the Law of Jante and lowering our expectations.

What Is Your Greatest Fear?

Call it an existential crisis. Or a midlife crisis. A rose by any other name still has thorns that can prick you. And really, can you call it a crisis if it’s something that’s been weighing heavily on my mind for the better part of my adult life? I’m not really sure exactly where I can (or should) go from here. The more I think I “still have time,” the more I’m going to pass the buck to Future Michael. But the more pressure I put on Present Michael, the more I’ll continue to suffer through feelings of mediocrity and being “not enough.” I don’t know. And I don’t like not knowing.

What about you? As you reflect on your life as it is, what is the thing that you fear the most? We all know that fears can be deeply irrational. So, whether you’re deathly afraid of snakes, earthquakes, or the balance that riding a two-wheeled vehicle takes, let me hear it through the comment section below!