Yeah, you see those two guys in the image above? They’re way more flexible than I’ll probably ever be. Though, talking about a flexible schedule could be an entirely different kind of schedule. For almost the entirety of my professional life, I’ve been self-employed. I work from home and, by and large, I set my own working hours… sort of. In an almost counter-intuitive kind of way, my flexible schedule lends itself to a lot of inflexibility.

Allow me to explain.

Work-From-Home Freedom

I know that I’ve already said this many times before, and I’ll probably say it many more times after this. Because I can work at any time, I feel like I should work all the time. It’s different from when you work a more traditional kind of job with a more traditional kind of schedule. There, when you clock out, you’re (supposed to be) done for the day. Me, I never “officially” clock out. Not really. I could work at midnight (and I have).

There is a certain freedom that comes from that kind of flexibility. What I’ve found is that the flip side of that arrangement also holds up to be true. Because I can decide to go out for lunch and run errands in the middle of the day, sometimes I do. And sometimes that can come back to bite me, because now I’m short on hours to do the work that I need to do. It works both ways (or rather it doesn’t work).

Consider this. I had originally planned to go for a haircut in the middle of December, leading up to the holidays. Then, next thing I knew, it was the middle of January and we were caught in the middle of snowpocalypse. I only got around to getting a haircut today. Back in my pre-parenthood days, before I got saddled with all sorts of other “adulting” responsibilities, I’d typically get a haircut every four weeks. Not anymore.

A Flexible Schedule and the FOMO Factor

The incredible sense of guilt and obligation spills over into just about every aspect of my life. For instance, I know that my wife is more than capable of taking our daughter to the dentist without me. Of course she can. I should be taking that “empty home” time to be as productive as possible. That makes sense. And yet, I feel like I should also go to that dentist appointment.

What if I could help? What if I miss out on something?

I’m lucky in that I can go to story time at the library, in the middle of the day, in the middle of the week. (And I did.) And yes, of course I’m incredibly fortunate that I got to participate in a parent participation preschool, being there (almost) every day for dropoff and pickup. Parent duty days were a joy, but they naturally took a hit on my productivity. Even so, the FOMO was much to strong. I didn’t want to miss out on anything, because she’s only little for so long. Right?

Can Be Available = Must Be Available

Because I can work at any time, I should be working all the time. By much the same accord, because I can be available for something, I must be available for that something. For the longest time, this was a thorn in my side as a freelance writer. As much as I found to be taken seriously, it wasn’t out of the ordinary to get a request because I was “going to be home anyway” or I “wasn’t doing anything.”

Maybe, for better or (likely) for worse, I’ve internalized that narrative. Because I have this flexible schedule, I feel compelled to be flexible to accommodate those around me. Want a hand with grocery shopping? Spending some extra time at the playground? Oh, I guess I could work later. My sense of obligation to those around me is very strong.

Put another way, I’m constantly trying to fit work into my life schedule, rather than trying to fit life around my work schedule. It also doesn’t help that constantly complaining talking about how I have to work can not only get irritating, but also project this sense that I value my work over my loved ones. Of course, my family comes first.

All Bent Out of Shape

Maybe I’ve always been a walking paradox. Physically, I’ve never been flexible at all and I know that I can be very stubborn, yet I’m also constantly bending over backwards seeking the praise and admiration of others. Even beyond that, I can oftentimes feel like I’m letting down everyone around me. In reality, they probably don’t even notice. Or, perhaps, I should just cut myself a little more slack. Maybe I just need some room to breathe.