Facebook was the catalyst. Face to face was the connection.
The above quote, appropriately enough, comes from Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown. Based on the title, you might think this book is some sort of outdoor survivalist’s guide. (We probably could have used something like that during our recent #5DadsGoWild camping trip.) Instead, Braving the Wilderness explores “the quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone.”
And, really, both contexts fit perfectly with what we tried to accomplish with Five Dads Go Wild. Studies have shown that men can often struggle with forging and maintaining relationships with other men, particularly as we get older. We yearn for that kind of connection and community, but all too often, men don’t reach out to one another in that way.
The stereotype goes that women might have their book clubs, wine clubs, yoga classes and lunch dates. While there are exceptions, to be sure, men typically don’t do that. Instead, we more often suffer silently with our isolation and loneliness. We may have superficial acquaintances. It just rarely gets beyond that.
Before last year’s inaugural adventure in the woods, I’d never met “SocialDad” James Smith or “Parenting 101” Dale Allen Berg in real life. We’d only had passing interactions on social media. Then, James bumped into “A Dad in the Burbs” Stacey Robinsmith at a media event, a seed was planted, and Five Dads Go Wild was born.
Put another way, Facebook really did act as a catalyst. But, we didn’t forge a real connection with one another until we met in that forest one chilly September day. Social media is great for finding your “squad.” It just might not be enough to form the same kind of strong bonds as you do with face-to-face interactions.
In Braving the Wilderness, Brene Brown brings up a profound yet puzzling Maya Angelou quote:
You only are free when you realize you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great…
A little over a year ago, I wrote a blog post about finding somewhere I belong. Truth be told, I’ve always felt like a square peg surrounded by round holes. I’m too old to identify as a millennial, too young to identify as generation X. I’m one of very few Asian dad bloggers among a large group of (predominately white) mommy bloggers. Where do I belong?
Here’s the thing. None of us really belong anywhere, because we are all unique individuals. This might sound terrifying and isolating. On the flip side, because none of us really belong anywhere, we can belong anywhere. And really, it’s only when you develop “the courage to stand alone” that you can find “true belonging.”
Despite our vast differences in life circumstances, despite the fact that I’m pretty much useless as a “rugged outdoorsman,” I feel like I’ve found a place of belonging with Five Dads Go Wild. We can stand alone… and brave the wilderness together. And the reward really is pretty great.
I like what you said about the sense of belonging. I think once we get over trying to fit in to appease others, we start to focus on nurturing ourselves. All throughout my 20s I fell into this trap and was kind of miserable trying to impress people and maintain lopsided friendships.
It was not until my 30s when I realized that everyone is insecure and feel a lack of belonging. Understanding this made things much easier, and ultimately gave me a better sense of self-identity.
Right on, and that’s exactly the point. We must first be true to who we are, and not try to fit into some expected mold so that we can “fit in” with a certain group.