Me: I wish I had more time to get stuff done.
Life: Okay fine. Here are a couple of hours.
Me: I really just want to take a nap.
Life: Okay fine. Go nap.
Me: But Animal Crossing though.
Life: I give up.
Me: Yeah, me too.
This was a conversation I had with Life a few months ago. I mean, I obviously didn’t really speak to the personification of life itself, but this was what was rattling around in my subconscious at the time.
I complain often about how I don’t have enough time to do all the things I want to do, but I’m only making excuses. In an effort to be more mindful, I’ve come to the not-so-stunning conclusion that I’m simply a victim of self sabotage.
And I’m tired of it. Oh, so tired of it.
It’s true that I have a lot on my plate and, for the most part, I put them all there. Between full-time freelancing, full-time blogging, and full-time fatherhood, it feels like I always need to be in two places at once if I want to manage it all. And then there’s the vlog, household responsibilities, and all the rest of it. There’s always something to do. Boredom is not an option.
But there is time. I’m just choosing not to use it in the most effective manner. Even as the to-do list continued to expand, I ended up spending hours playing Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp. (I play a lot less now.) Instead of tackling real life errands, I collect fruit and fish for anthropomorphized animal villagers. I craft virtual furniture instead of actually doing work that pays the bills.
How does that make any sense at all?
In the midst of what is decidedly self sabotage, I enjoy these fleeting moments of self satisfaction. Whether it’s watching one more YouTube video or somehow taking an afternoon nap, these are decisions that feel good in the moment and well me up with regret the second they’re over. I could have done better.
The guilt is real.
Maybe it’s simply a lack of self discipline, spurred on by a lack of structure. I’ve been a self-employed freelance writer for over a decade at this point and I’ve always, generally speaking, been in charge of my own schedule. There’s no manager hovering over my shoulder, no “day shift” to uphold. But because I work on the Internet, the opportunities for distraction and procrastination are endless. So I indulge.
I know I can do better. I want to do better.
OK. Alright. I guess it’s time to go back to work.
I’m right there with you. I’ve fallen into a bad habit of staying up too late and taking a nap after I drop off my daughter to school in the morning. Makes it hard to get all the stuff done that I plan on doing
I don’t always do it, but sometimes after I drop my daughter off at preschool, I come home and relax with a cup of coffee and some YouTube/Netflix for a while instead of heading down to the home office to get something done while she’s not home. I want that breather and then I feel terribly guilty about it afterward.
I hear you. It’s always a challenge. Sometimes I waste too much time scrolling my phone when I could be using my time more wisely. Other times maybe our Brian just needs a break and things like animal crossing are just what it needs 🙂
I can’t even tell you why I like AC so much. You’re literally running errands in that game!
Oh goodness from my head to your lips. This is life every day! There is never a moment of boredom, just simply not an option! But you sometimes you just have to think of it as your way of tellin you to slow down a little!
Oh yes. I know this exact story. I am always trying to get stuff done but also want to take a minute just for me. It is endless battle.
Right there with you! Im constantly fighting to get everything on my “to do” list done. I wish there was more time in the day !
I feel like this is every parents struggle, you are not alone in this!