A friend of mine recently posted the following status update on Facebook:

“Life should be a constant adventure, the person you choose to spend your time with should not want to stop that adventure, rather they should want to come along for the journey…“

Ignoring the run-on sentence issue, this kind of life philosophy may sound empowering and uplifting, but it suffers from a very fundamental flaw. The first part of the statement is true enough. Indeed, life should be seen as a constant adventure and the destination isn’t nearly as important as the journey. The problem arises immediately afterward when he considers the people around him.

My response?

“That’s very selfish of you. What about their adventure? Should they sacrifice their journey for you? It’s more about discovering and exploring a brand new adventure together, one that neither one of you could have anticipated.“

By asserting that your significant other “should want to come along for the journey,” the bold assumption is made that this person doesn’t have goals, dreams and aspirations of their own. If it sounds reasonable for them to follow your grand plan, then how is it any less reasonable for you to follow their grand plan instead?

I mean, I get it. Modern society has very much encouraged a “me first” attitude. What’s in it for me? Why should I sacrifice anything for anyone else? Why aren’t people paying attention to me? Everyone else should be giving up everything and following my every whim. I’m not going to let anyone get in my way. I’m not going to let anyone deny my happiness.

But that’s a very narrow-minded and ultimately empty approach to life. While I agree that you shouldn’t associate with people who want to halt your journey, I also find it much more rewarding when you create a brand new journey together. I’ve learned that it’s not about me. It was never about me. It’s about looking beyond myself and looking beyond what I wanted for myself. It’s about us, however you choose to define the notion of “us.”

Maybe it’s because I’m a married man and I’ve spent the entirety of my adult life in a committed relationship. Maybe it’s because I’m now a father. And this isn’t to look down on my single friends either. This philosophy on life’s adventure is not restricted to the sphere of romantic and spousal relationships. It’s far more about how we choose to view those around us.

It’s not only about their role in our lives, but also our role in their lives. Just as we should not allow other people to halt our journeys, we should not be impeding theirs either. Instead, we can accomplish much more and feel much more fulfilled together. The greatest feeling in the world is that of feeling needed and being appreciated.

Perhaps I’m being a bit harsh.

Everyone’s individual sense of happiness is going to vary widely. If my friend truly believes, in his heart of hearts, that he is leading an independent life that brings him joy and fulfillment, then all the more power to him. He might say that if you’re not lifting him up, then you’re dragging him down.

For me, with each passing year and with each life milestone that I reach, I gain a greater clarity of vision. As stressed as I may be, I’m allowing myself to be happy. And I hope I bring a little happiness to those around me too.

Image credit: Janet Ramsden (Flickr, CC BY 2.0)