As children, most of us were told by our parents and other grown-ups that we should always tell the truth. We were taught that lying was bad. Now that we’re a little bit older, the lines aren’t quite so clear.
How many of you have told a small fib in order to get a discount at the amusement park? When asked how you are, how many of you responded that you were fine when, in fact, you were anything but fine?
Are these lies culturally and ethically acceptable? When, if ever, is it okay to tell a lie? Should we always tell the truth, no matter what?
The Truth Can Hurt
The movie may not have been Oscar-worthy material, but Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian did offer one very valuable piece of wisdom. Robin Williams, playing the role of Theodore Roosevelt, said:
“Sometimes it’s more noble to tell a small lie than to deliver a painful truth.”
In the context of the story, “Teddy” told the other residents of the museum that they would all return to life the next evening. However, he knew that the powerful amulet that gives them life would not be accompanying them on their trip to the Smithsonian. As such, they would be stored away forever and would never again return to life. Was this a noble act in allowing the others effectively to indulge in a collective ignorance on the matter? Would it have been better if Teddy told them the truth?
A similar conundrum arises when it comes to the topic of mortality. If Goldie the Goldfish reaches the big fishbowl in the sky, how do you explain this death to a small child? Even more troubling, how would you explain the death of grandma to the same small child? This young one may not be able to grasp the concept of mortality.
Little Lies to Keep Moving Forward
Even getting beyond children, many people tell little white lies to their friends, peers, and colleagues for a myriad of reasons. Instead of saying that they were fired from their jobs, they may say that they were laid off. This may help to maintain a temporary happiness and minimize the possibility of an awkward conversation for all parties involved.
Similarly, you may be tempted to tell a small lie in order to further your career. You may artificially inflate your resume, giving potential employers the impression that you can do the job when you are, in fact, not at all qualified to do it. After being hired, you may prove yourself and you may indeed be good at what you do, but it’s a lie that got you there.
And let’s not forget about the little lies we tell ourselves. You may take an overly optimistic viewpoint on a situation, partly in hopes that that the self-fulfilling prophecy will bring your high hopes to fruition. Is that wrong?
Do the Ends Justify the Means?
The reason why you may believe it is more noble to tell a small lie than to deliver a painful truth is that this may result in a better overall outcome. You could be saving someone from unneeded stress and grief, since they may not be able to do anything to reverse the circumstances anyhow. However, this brings up the issue of whether the ends justify the means.
This is the justification that the government may have for covering up a secret in the interest of public safety. If they are planning some sort of sting operation on a terrorist organization and are asked what they have planned, you can understand why they couldn’t spill the beans, right? In doing so, they would alert the terrorist organization and their plans would effectively be foiled.
If you agree with Teddy Roosevelt, then you may also agree that it would be acceptable to kill one person if it meant that thousands could be saved. That’s debatable. In the end, you have to choose who you are and make decisions based on your own standards for ethics and morals. Is it okay to lie? Under what circumstances?
The risk of telling a small child that Goldie the Goldfish is enjoying life in the great big fishbowl in the sky, surrounded by friends and such, is that the child might kill Gerty the Guppy to send her there too. So, there can be consequences even with small lies.
It’s never an easy decision though. Sometimes, we just tell lies because it’s the easy way out.
I give my daughter the whole truth, but I also explain the truth. She understands the great big fishbowl in the sky and what it means to be there.
When it comes to difficult questions, I think I might use the age-old tactic practiced by men for centuries. It’s called “Go ask your mother.” 😉
My poor daughter would be going in a circle with that answer because my wife would send her right back to me 🙂
Not only that but she would get pissed at me for not answering the question in the first place. I don’t need her upset with me. Happy wife is happy Ray.
You could always cheat and hand her a book. 😉
Well, she could read the pictures and some of the words…. She is only 4. 🙂
That’s a start. 😉
I don’t believe in small lies. Being honest doesn’t always work, but I would rather tell the truth and be told the truth than not.
There is also the option of of not volunteering the whole truth, therefore keeping the parts that you want to yourself. While not lying, you are not completely telling the truth.
You don’t believe in small lies? Does that mean you believe in big ones? 😉
Good point about withholding. In other words, you selectively tell the truth and omit details you don’t want to tell. Did you learn that from Star Trek? It seems like a technique that was used by Spock and Data a few times. 😉
You bet I learned that from Star Trek. I even have a poster “Everything I need to know about life I learned from Star Trek.”
I don’t believe in lying. 🙂 If I tell the truth, I don’t have to remember which lie I told.
Of course, if we lived in the Star Trek universe, you wouldn’t have to tell a little lie about Goldie the Goldfish, because she’ll be better at the end of the hour. 😉
Unless she’s wearing red…
The red curse went away kinda of STNG as that was the color of Picard and the command crew.
Yellow was the ill-fated color in TNG. 😉
but sometime we need to do a little lie on blogging , i wonder who is agree with me ?
With blogging, you use the “not volunteering the whole truth” technique. 😉
But, you do so to maintain your privacy, not to deceive.
If the whole of what you tell; say, or do is 100% the truth, then only by omission, can you sometimes spare someone that you might hurt.
If by omission you seek to deceive, then the deception should again be only to avoid undue pain; harm, or cause some type of turmoil or difficulty for another.
What you should never do is not tell yourself the whole truth; painful as it is, this would not only injure you in the long run, but others that you associate with.
If you’re pressured to give the facts, then no matter how much that facts hurt, you need to do that. I imagine law enforcement personnel; doctors, and people who have to deliver bad news or handle a traumatic situation, really have to learn how to deal with the truth that’s evident in all facts.
I never brought my kids up on a religion; no Santa Claus, no fairy tales and I’m delighted at how mature they were at an early age.
I’ve got 12 grand-kids; some who like to ‘play pretend’; 3 great grand-kids who still live in a tiny world, but as they grow up and continue to be guided by the reality and truth their parents are providing to them, I continue to believe we build the strongest of character with the truth.
When the facts and truth are ugly and painful, we must do our best to temper that by seeking to find some type of benefit from it – if nothing more tha learning to be strong and teach others how to also be stong.
I disagree with painful truth. You don’t need to give children all the facts when presenting the truth. They are children and should be thinking happy children thoughts. I grew up watching the Vietnam war on TV every night and see it at the Philly Naval Regional Hospital.
What good did it do me to see those boys, those men with arms and legs blown off? It was no avoidable as I had to be treated at one time or another and it’s just there. Truth doesn’t have to come with a painful part if you can explain it with an understanding that makes the person understand at that moment.
They can learn the painful part when they have really matured, which is not based on how we explain the truth, it’s mentally based. I know many people in their senior years or any adult age that are not mature.
Lastly, your beliefs are yours, as I don’t believe in teaching my child that a big rabbit is related to Easter in any way, I still let her enjoy the time in both our religion and as a time to celebrate both a sad and happy time. I also totally believe in the spirit of Santa Claus and will let my kids belive in him until they learn that it’s a spirit of giving, love, birth and understanding each other.
Interestingly enough we went for Chinese food tonight and in that American invention the fortune cookie I got a good one:
“Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time.”
What fortune cookie methodology do you subscribe to? Do you eat the cookie before reading the fortune or do you read the fortune before eating the cookie?
I subscribe to the former.
I open, eat, then read.
It’s a Bruce Lee thing. He told a story once of a master that he was talking with in the masters office when an important letter came for the master. Instead of reading it the master continued his conversation with Lee. When Lee asked about reading the letter, the master said that waiting made it more satisfying to read the letter.
Next time you get do get a fortune cookie, read it out loud and add the words “in bed” to the end of the fortune. It makes for some funny fortunes.
I was going to mention that, but I don’t know that “Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time between the sheets” is an appropriate comment for this blog. 😉
Oops. Did I do that? 😉
Geez, now you spoiled a good fortune….. ;-0
The quote still works. 🙂
Yes you did just do that.
And then we both replied to the wrong preceding message. 😉
The question Michael poses is a difficult one. I’m a professional storyteller, and tell folks that when I was a child I got a whipping for “lying” but now I get paid to tell stories because I call it “fiction.” In that case, it’s about semantics.
Sometimes people ask if a story is “true.” I tell them, “Yes, but some of it hasn’t happened yet.”
In real life, I try hard to present the truth to people, and prefer “omission” to “white lies,” although I’m not above using a white lie if cornered. Those white lies are only to protect others from hurt.
Offering a painful truth might seem hard, but in the end it’s much easier than trying to remember a passel of lies that you’ve woven.
I lied,I told a couple of people/mild friends I had a job when I really didn’t. I feel bad. I just didn’t want to have to say I didn’t have a job still….