One of the most amazing features of the human existence also happens to be one of the greatest sources of inner angst. With our sense of self-awareness, we are able to separate ourselves from the world around us, but it also means that we are constantly comparing ourselves to others. As social animals, we are also very aware that we are constantly being judged and scrutinized by our peers.
Determining our individual identities can be quite the challenge. Who defines who you are?
At first glance, this seems like a simple enough question, especially coming from the individualistic western perspective. I define who I am. I make decisions that determine my outcomes in life, representing a strong internal locus of control. However, when you stop to think about how we choose to define ourselves, how we choose to determine our respective identities, we find that we are inherently bound to the people around us.
Who Am I and Why Do I Matter?
For instance, you may define yourself as a father and a husband. These roles are intrinsically tied to your children and your spouse, respectively. Without these people in your lives, you couldn’t call yourself a father or a husband.
Similarly, many of us define who we are based on our occupation or career of choice. When asked to say a little something about themselves, most people will mention what they do for a living. I’m a freelance writer. With this declaration, I become immediately aware of certain preconceptions and assumptions that people may have about people who work from home or people who write for a living. For a while, I felt like I almost had to defend my career choice.
All Eyes on Me?
It’s easy to say that you shouldn’t care what other people think of you. Be your own person and make your own decisions, right? If that were the case, why do we partake in acts of vanity like buying designer clothes or decorating our homes in anticipation of having guests? Humans are social beings, so we care what other people think. That only makes sense.
That’s also why you may find yourself wanting to be someone else at many points in your life. The grass does look greener over there, doesn’t it?
A Kitten, A Lion, or Both?
In the end, as with so many other things, you must find that delicate balance between an internal and external sense of self. You must simultaneously be complete within yourself and be mindful of how you are being perceived. You can’t please everyone all of the time (nor should you try to do so), but mere social awareness can go a long way in determining your own identity and happiness.
If you see a lion in the mirror but everyone else sees a mere kitten, that disjoint or dissonance needs to be rectified. Show your inner lion.
Wow, that’s deep. Nice and short though, I like that.
The problem with me is that everytime I try to show my inner lion, people just laugh at me and still think I’m a cute little kitten. That’s probably the most frustrating (and insulting) thing people do to others – not take them seriously.
But good article.
I think a big part of that has to do with your youthful appearance. As we’ve discussed on Twitter in the past, we’re both afflicted with similar circumstances in that respect.
“Youthful appearance” – thank you for putting it so delicately. 🙂 Well, at least we both manage to sound “smart”.
Somehow, I’d like to be smart and not just sound the part. 😉
A “youthful appearance” can have drawbacks. I think I was in my late twenties or early thirties when the last person asked if I was out of high school. Made me wish I had gone into acting; I could have maybe played those high school roles for a number of years. 😉
Eventually, though, you get to the point where you wish people would ask if you’re 21 yet. 😉
But a youthful appearance comes back around to a positive when you get to 50 and people say they think you are only 35. I got that the other day, so I’m flying high right now.
That’s an awesome post, Michael. I have been trying to show my inner lion for a while now. I branched out, joined a business opp, haven’t had the success I’d hoped, but still chugging right along, working hard, and I WILL NOT GIVE UP! The people around me seem to be delighted in the fact that “they told me so” and are treating me like a little kitten. My inner lion’s ego is hurt, but I will not quit. One day my roar will silence the idle monkey chatter around me…
There was a book that I read years ago and can’t remember the title, but I remember the main point. The focus was basically that we make our decisions on what will make us happy at that moment.
I totally agree and believe that.