The other day, I came across a flowchart that addressed the issue of gender-appropriate toys for children. It stated, when trying to figure out if a particular toy is appropriate for a particular gender, you only have to ask yourself one question: Do you operate this toy with your genitalia?
If the answer is no, then the toy can be enjoyed by both boys and girls. If the answer is yes, then the toy is probably not meant for children.
While this flowchart was meant to be funny, it does bring up a very curious point about the nature of children’s toys. We’ve already discussed the ongoing issues with gender roles as they relate to adults, but mainstream society already works to define what is “right” for a boy and what is “right” for a girl, even before the little ones are born.
And this got me thinking. Yes, some toys may be marketed in more of a gender-neutral manner, but then there are lots more toys that are clearly being geared toward one gender or the other. Do you have a baby doll in pink packaging, emphasizing the importance of beauty or encouraging a nurturing instinct? That’s definitely in the girls section. See the Star Wars figurine with realistic lightsaber sounds? Yeah, that’s probably a “boys” toy.
In this day and age, though, does it really matter anymore? Why can’t the boy be taught about how to attend to a baby’s needs? Why can’t a little girl be interested in the interstellar battles of the Republic?
And to this end, I’ve observed something of a double standard. Some people may give strange looks to the little girl who plays with construction toys or little military men, but they may simply dismiss this as “tomboy” behavior. They may even see this as “empowering” her to break down traditional gender roles. They may comment on how she is going to be her own woman. Good for her, right? Girl power and all that.
Flip the script and have a little boy who is far more interested in his Elsa doll and the Barbie playhouse and those same people will continue to give strange looks. The difference is that they may be much more disapproving, concerned about the perceived masculinity of the little man. There must be something wrong with him. Well before the little boy shows any interest in such matters, these people may question his sexual orientation.
We see this everywhere. When you go to a McDonald’s, you’ll find that the Happy Meal will almost always have two sets of toys: the Barbie doll for girls and the Hot Wheels for boys. In many cases, if the child is visibly present, the McDonald’s cashier will simply default to the “gender-appropriate” toy and not even offer the alternative.
The fact of the matter is that these are all just social constructs imposed upon our children. It is our role as parents to encourage exploration. If the little girl wants to build a Lord of the Rings LEGO set, that’s fantastic. Maybe she’ll be an architect one day. If the little boy is more interested in an Easy-Bake Oven than a Spider-man play set, that’s okay too.
As long as they both do well in school, of course…
I think that society wants girls to play with boy toys because, like you said, it makes us feel like it’s empowering. We like when women are strong – but not TOO STRONG – so keep those Barbies handy, girls!
On the other hand, we don’t like “weak” men, so we punish kids who don’t immediately love all of the meathead boy stuff like sports and army toys.
Of course, the best thing for everyone is to cultivate an interest in whatever it is your child enjoys, and run with it, no matter the color. But I get it – there’s so much pressure from other little kids; pink, no matter how cool it gets, will always be a “girl color” to a 5 year old. Even my son, who watches me wear pink all the time, still doesn’t like it. Not much I can do there, except keep wearing it and not ever judge his color choices.
It makes me wonder if attitudes really are slowly shifting with more of this “empowerment” stuff for girls and the growing acceptance of “metrosexual” males.
Zach nails it. It’s not about adding more labels (assert women! sensitive guys!) to kids or adults, it’s about allowing everyone to cultivate their own interest. Sexist ideas hurt us all.
And that’s my plan with Adalynn. If she decides she enjoys cooking in the kitchen, that’s awesome. If she decides she’d rather play Street Fighter with daddy, that’s awesome too.
On a related tangent as it pertains to color, Wikipedia says:
“In the 19th century, baby boys often wore white and pink. Pink was seen as a masculine color, while girls often wore white and blue.”
One of the mistakes I think we as adults make is seeing differentiation and assuming our kids do as well. We don’t take the kids shopping regularly but when we do, for example to get a present for a birthday party, they don’t see “boys” toys and “girls” toys in a segregation fashion at the Toys R Us. They see the Barbie section and the Star Wars section and baby section etc. It’s us who is denoting those as “boys” and “girls”. They just see toys and try to find what they think their friend will like best.
Similarly at home. We have a daughter and a son. They have a play room. It is filled with toys that they both play with. Nothing more, nothing less.
I think a lot of the influence comes from their friends and schoolmates too. My friend’s daughter is very much into princesses and such, but neither one of the parents encouraged (or discouraged) this. She must have picked it up from somewhere.
Being the father of twin daughters, I am NOW much more conscious of the way that gender expectations contribute to limiting the possibilities for individuals. Example, one of my daughters always talked about being a firefighter. A boy in her class told her that only boys could be firefighters. So we visited a local firehall and had my daughter meet a firefighter who just happened to be a female in order to break that myth.
When we visit McDonalds, we look at the toys being offered. We will then decide which one to get based on how much fun it looks like it will be to play with – not based on the colour of the toy or the expectation that girls get dolls and boys get cars.
Kudos to you, good sir. I think this is one of those things that’ll take time and it’s up to us as parents to give our kids that opportunity.
This is a good approach. When my godson decided at age 9 that he wanted to learn to knit, I give him the yarn and knitting needles with some trepidation, but when I went to the local knitting store, I found that they have weekly men’s knitting groups in the evenings! He was too young to go, but it was good to show him. That said, he never really seemed to think that he had a girl’s hobby, he just liked it.
I grew up playing with dolls and I turned out straight, though some of my friends do say I’m kinda girly. I think I’m fabulous.
Most parents I know want to encourage kids to pursue their interest, regardless of stereotype. But, understandably, as soon as the kid gets teased the parents find themselves coaching them how to conform. The only way out is to build the child’s self-confidence to ignore the noise — it often disappears.
While I balk at the mention of “tomboy” behaviour (that’s just a girl being a girl, I think you’re broadly right Michael. People always say how great my daughter looks in Spider-Man, Star Wars, etc, gear – or running around in a cape or a Vader outfit. I sadly do not think that would be the case if I had a boy in a princess or fairy outfit. As you say, this is a clear double standard.
I am female, yet I HATE pink, dolls and all other “Girl” things. Star Wars, Marvel and action-packed things are more what I’m into. So I really dislike when people assume things. My favourite colour is blue which is the “Boy colour” It makes me so happy to see that other people agree with my opinion on this matter.
Right on. Interestingly, blue as a “boy” colour is a relatively recent development. Light blue (“baby blue”) in particular actually used to be a “girl colour.” Go figure, eh?