For the most part, I feel like I’m an open book on this blog. Most recently, I’ve shared my quarantine confessions, listed a few songs on my music playlist, and did a Q&A video talking about my childhood ambitions and investment strategies. Well, I figured I may as well keep this train going with 20 questions, mostly of the hypothetical variety. “WheezyWaiter” Craig Benzine did this with his wife Chyna in a recent video, and I pulled these 20 questions directly from his video.

1. What’s something you always wanted to do as a child but never got to do?

Two things come to mind, one of which I addressed later on as an adult. First, ever since I learned about the Royal Tyrrell Museum in Drumheller, Alberta, I wanted to go. I was a HUGE dinosaur nerd as a kid. Then, I went as an adult and it was great. Second, I wanted a dog. No one else in the house did, so we never did. Since then, I’ve done a bit of dog sitting here and there, but we’ve never had a family dog ourselves.

2. If you were in a witness protection program, what would be your new name and where would you go?

I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.

3. What famous artist, dead or alive, would you want to paint your portrait?

It’s easy to be tempted by greats like da Vinci or Rembrandt. For my part, though, I think it would be incredible to get a portrait done by David Choe. Especially if he gives it the full-on graffiti background treatment.

4. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever cried about?

I’m not sure if it’s necessarily the “dumbest” thing, and I’m a little embarrassed to talk about it, but here goes. In high school P.E. class, I think it was grade 8, I was goofing off a little when we were practicing for a relay race. The gym teacher comes over and reprimands me accordingly, and deservedly so, but it was the last line that got me crying: “I’d expect this from some of the other boys, but not you Michael. Honestly, I’m disappointed.” It was totally one of those “I’m not mad, just disappointed” kind of moments.

5. What board game do you hate the most?

I don’t actually play a lot of board games. We used to play Monopoly, Scrabble and Risk, and I enjoyed all three for different reasons… but that’s about it.

6. Who was your first celebrity crush?

To the best of my recollection, it was Kimberly (Pink Ranger) from Power Rangers. Haha!

7. What are 2 things you would do if you woke up to find yourself completely invisible?

Freak out. Then, see if other people could see and/or hear me.

8. If you could be on the cover of any magazine which one would you choose?

Time, probably. Do people still read physical magazines?

9. What song would you sing for your American Idol / The Voice audition?

Based on my extensive experience in Rock Band, I’d probably go with “Panic Switch” by Silversun Pickups.

10. If you could trade lives with anyone for a day, who would it be and why?

Up until recently, I may have said Elon Musk. Swapping lives with Jay-Z could be interesting.

11. If you were about to be executed, what 5 foods would you have as a last meal?

Several years ago, I actually wrote a whole blog post about my death row meal. Reading it again now, I think my answer would stay mostly the same. I’d order a prime rib, perhaps served with Yorkshire pudding and green beans. Some sort of fish carpaccio or ceviche as an appetizer. Lemon meringue pie for dessert. Can I add a beer too?

12. If you could bring one fictional character to life, who would it be?

Totoro.

13. What do you think phones will be like in 10 years?

As much as I would like to believe that we’ll make some sort of giant leap in technology and holographic “touch” displays become a viable thing, it’s probably not going to happen. As foldable tech improves, hopefully we’ll start to move toward rollable displays in some fashion.

14. If someone wrote a biography about you, what do you think the title should be?

Well, At Least He Tried.

(Shameless plug: My book on life as a work-at-home dad is kind of a biography of the “auto” variety.)

15. If money were no object, where in the world would you choose to live?

It’s hard to think about this without taking the current pandemic and ongoing political situation into account. In my heart of hearts, though, I have a hard time imagining myself living anywhere but Vancouver. It’s not without its faults, believe me, but it’s home. I want to visit lots of places, but I can’t imagine living there.

16. If you found out you were a direct descendant of a king or queen, would you go find them and claim your throne or keep your life as it was?

Curiosity would inevitably get the better of me. I’d have to go find out.

17. What skills do you possess that could help you survive the Zombie Apocalypse?

Not much. I seriously don’t think I’d last very long if the undead roamed the Earth. All these years of working from home demonstrate that I’m really good at sheltering in place, so maybe that’s something.

18. What is something you are currently obsessed with?

Making all the necessary plans for the pending arrival of Baby Kwan #2. There’s so much stuff we have to get again to prepare for the new normal.

19. If a theme song played every time you entered a room, what would it be?

Fun fact! Before I got into blogging or any sort of “real” writing, I participated in what were called e-feds. This was back in the mostly text-based Internet (read: telnet). Basically, e-feds were fictional professional wrestling federations. We created characters, “wrote” interviews, submitted “strategies” for matches that the e-fed owners would then produce into a “show.”

My first “entrance song” was Also sprach Zarathustra, which you might know from 2001: A Space Odyssey. I knew it as Ric Flair’s entrance song. Later on, I switched to “Breathe” by Prodigy, which Al Snow used as his ECW entrance song. Today, I’m not sure I’d pick either song. I’m not sure what song I’d pick at all, really. Maybe the theme song from the original X-Men animated series.

Or the “epic version.”

20. What’s the most useless talent you have?

You mean aside from stretching myself too thin and jumping to conclusions in a single bound? I guess my dad joke game is okay, though they don’t always come to me in the moment.

Have a great weekend, everyone!